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listen.
    Sadie says that getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends—you order what you want but when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
    Bernie says a happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking—the husband gives and the wife takes.
    Sadie says love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
    Bernie says that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it’s love, but after marriage, it’s self-defense.
    Bernie told Sadie during their courtship that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he IS going through hell.
    Confucius, he say, “Man who sinks into woman’s arms soon have arms in woman’s sink.”
    Bernie says, “When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.”
    Bernie and Sadie say that after marriage, a husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
    Bernie and Sadie say marriage is when man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
    Bernie says before marriage a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the “Y” becomes silent.
    Bernie says it’s not true married men live longer than single men—it only seems longer.
    Bernie says man is incomplete until he gets married—then he is finished.
    Sadie says it doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
    Sadie says when a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing—either the car is new or the wife is.

    Love versus marriage:
    Love is holding hands in the street—marriage is holding arguments in the street.
    Love is dinner for two at the Ritz—marriage is Chinese takeout.
    Love is cuddling on a sofa—marriage is deciding which sofa.
    Love is talking about having kids—marriage is talking of getting a break from kids.
    Love is losing your appetite—marriage is losing your figure.
    Love is a flickering flame—marriage is a flickering TV.

    Victor and Leah were an elderly couple who had been dating for some time. One day, they decided it was finally time to get married. But first, they needed to discuss how their marriage might work. They talked about finances, living arrangements, health and finally, their conjugal relationship.
    “How do you feel about sex?” Victor asked Leah, with a smile on his face.
    “Oh, I like to have it infrequently,” replied Leah.
    Victor thought about this and then asked, “Was that one word or two?”

    Q: Why are many Jewish girls still single these days?
    A: They have not yet met Dr. Right.
    Q: Why are Jewish men with pierced ears well prepared for marriage?
    A:Because they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
    Q: What do you instantly know when you see a well-dressed Jewish husband?
    A: His wife is good at choosing his clothes.
    Q:How many Jewish husbands does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
    A:We don’t know—it’s never happened.
    Q: What’s the best way to always remember your wife’s birthday?
    A: Forget it just once.
    Q: What do you call a Jewish man who’s lost eighty percent of his brain?
    A: A widower!

    Rachel and Moshe were invited to a posh masked, fancy dress Chanukah party. Unfortunately, Rachel had a terrible headache and told Moshe to go to the party alone. Being a devoted husband, Moshe protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So Moshe put on his costume and mask and away he went to the party.
    After sleeping soundly for an hour or so, Rachel awoke without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party. She knew that Moshe didn’t know what costume she was going to wear (how many husbands do?) and she thought she would have some fun by watching him to see how he acted when she was not with him. So Rachel put on her costume and mask