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out Solomon was marrying a
shiksa,
she’d kill herself.”
    So an appointment was made to see Bette.
    For several hours, the
shadchen
pleaded, argued, persuaded and slowly Bette began to change her mind. With tears in her eyes, Bette said, “Well, maybe you’re right and I shouldn’t be so old-fashioned. If the girl really is a fine girl, and if she will make Solomon happy, and if the children will be brought up Jewish, I won’t object. I can always move away from Edgware after the wedding and change my name so no one will know my shame.”
    Even though he was worn out, the
shadchen
left Bette’s house in high spirits. As soon as he got into his car, he opened his little book to the page where both names had been written and put a tick after the name “Solomon Goldman.”
    He then said, with a huge sigh of relief, “Half done!”

    Moshe the tailor felt it was time to get a wife so one day he plucked up courage to visit a
shadchen.
The
shadchen
immediately offered him a beautiful young lady “This girl is quite gorgeous. She’s a real prize, especially as she wants to settle down with a husband right away. Yours would be a wedding made in heaven,” said the
shadchen.
    But Moshe was a businessman and he never made decisions quickly. “Look, I need more information,” Moshe told her. “Whenever I buy any cloth, I always ask to see some swatches first. So before I decide on a wife, I want to see a sample also.”
    The
shadchen
said she would pass on Moshe’s request directly to the lady in question. She then went to visit the intended bride. “My client says he is a good businessman and needs to find out exactly what he’s buying. He insists on a sample.”
    “OK,” replied the girl, “I understand—I am also good at business. Tell him that I don’t give samples but I am prepared to give him references.”

    A
shadchen
corners a poor student and says, “Do I have a girl for you!"
    “I’m not interested,” replies the student.
    “But she’s a very beautiful girl,” says the
shadchen.
    “Really?” says the student, a bit more interested now.
    “Yes. And she’s also very rich.”
    “Are you serious?”
    “Of course I am. Would I lie to you? And she has a long line of ancestry. She comes from a very noble family.”
    “It all sounds great to me,” says the student, “but why would a girl like that want to marry me? She’d have to be crazy”
    Replies the
shadchen,
“Well, you can’t have everything in life!”

Marriage
    Son: “How much does it cost to get married, Dad?”
    Father: “I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it.”

    Jacob and Rifka had been married for 65 years. When they were asked whether, in all those years, they had ever thought of divorce, they replied, “Heavens, no. Murder, yes, but divorce never.”

    Little Sam was out shopping with his mother, something he didn’t like very much. But when they passed a toy store, Sam came to life. He saw a new toy in the window that he didn’t have but wanted. Sam begged, pleaded and nagged but to no avail. He got so rude that his mother firmly said, “I’m very sorry, Sam, but we didn’t come out to buy you a toy”
    Sam angrily said, “I’ve never met a woman as horrible as you.”
    Holding his hand gently, she replied, “Sam, darling, one day you’ll get married and then you will—you really will, I promise you.”

    Jewish marriage advice:
    “Don’t marry a beautiful person. They may leave you. Of course, an ugly person may leave you too, but who cares?”

    Negative views on marriage:
    Bernie says marriage is not a word, it’s a sentence—a life sentence.
    Sadie says marriage is a three-ring circus—engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
    Bernie and Sadie say that married life is full of excitement and frustration. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens; in the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens; in the third year, they both speak and the neighbors