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said. “You’re a growing girl! You have to eat.”
    “I don’t want anything,” I repeated.
    Pilar glared at me and told my mother, “Mrs. Blume, it is not healthy.”
    “Well, you know these young people, Pilar,” mom said. “They like to be thin. It’s fashionable,” She smiled at me and said we should go shopping for a dress for the benefit. I reminded her of all the work we still have to do if there’s going to be a benefit.
    And that I’d rather shop for a dress next week. (My goal is to fin comfortably into a size two by then)
    I made loads of phone calls for Mom.
    Better go back downstairs. If I’m with Mom, maybe she won’t start drinking.
    4:09 P.M.
    I was too late. Mom started drinking lunch. My staying home didn’t make any
    difference on that score. After lunch she said she was tired and went to her room. I worked on the benefit alone. I only needed three more items for the auction and we can have the program printed up. Hmm. Someone has to write all those items up. Better call the HCA office and see who can do it.
    10:16 P.M.
    Lost another pound.
    I reached my goal.
    The skirt fits.
    Why am I so nervous?

NERVES
Wired.
    Tightly wound wound tight?
    And bound
    To thoughts
    That imprison
    My heart can’t take wing
    While I am bound
    Here
    On the ground
    Tightly wound
    Maggie Blume
    Another depressing poem by Maggie Blume.
    Whatever made me think I could write poetry?
    I’m going to resign from the staff of Inner Vistas when we got back to school.
    How could I have thought I’d be editor someday?
    I feel like I’ll never write a good poem or song lyric again.
    I’m a failure.
    I can understand why Dad is disappointed in me. I disappoint myself.
    I’ve decided not to wear my new skirt. It fits, but it makes me look fat. Amalia is going to come over tomorrow to help me pick out something from my closet.
    Good night.
    Bad night.
    Saturday 7.25
    6:30 P.M.
    Justin is going to pick me p any minute now. I’m so nervous. Maybe writing in
    my journal will help me stay calm.
    Mom had a major hangover this morning and was in no shape to talk on the
    phone. I handled benefit business for her. Lots of phone calls.
    Amalia came over this afternoon to help me pick out what to wear tonight. I wish she hadn’t bothered. She drove me crazy. For example, I put on my purple satin pants.
    “My hips look huge in these,” I groaned.
    “Are you crazy?” Amalia explained. “They look great n you.”
    I hate it when people tell social lies just to make you feel better. Why wouldn’t she admit that some of my clothes made me look fat for an outfit she’d contradicted me.
    Then she got really serious. “I think you’re dieting to much, Maggie,” she said. “You look so thin it’s not healthy.”
    I told her that I have tiny bones. That I’m supposed to be think. She argued with me about that. She was pretty annoyed by the time she left. But not as annoyed as I am with her.
    I decided to wear the brown skirt and velveteen top at all. I changed my nail
    polish from pink to
    Uh-oh, Justin’s here
    Sometime After Midnight
    The good news is my date with Justin Randall is over.
    Dad made sure he was home with Justin picked me up. I was afraid my parents
    would embarrass me. But they didn’t. I don’t think Justin could tell that Mom had been drinking. And Dad didn’t ask him what his parents did for a living or remind him of my midnight curfew.
    We made out escape pretty quickly.
    Justin looked incredibly handsome and relaxed. I felt incredibly ugly and nervous.
    I didn’t know what to say.
    Once we got in the getaway car, he started a conversation by asking me how
    things were going at my new job. I told him about Little Guy and the photographs we took for the benefit. Then we talked about Vanish and some of our rehearsals. Justin does a great imitation of Rico.
    By the time we reached the theatre, I was more relaxed.
    I was on a date with Justin Randall! And we were clicking.
    People were lined up around