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rehearsal.
    “Are you okay?” he asked.
    “I was having an off night,” I told him. “I’m sorry.”
    “I wasn’t talking about your singing,” he said. “You look pale.” He touched my cheek with his fingertips. “And you have big circles under your eyes.”
    I told him that I’d been working hard and that I was going home early to help my mother with the benefit.
    “You’re not staying for the Spanish rice?!” he exclaimed.
    What is it with everybody and food? Not everyone likes rich, greasy Spanish rice.
    “No,” I said. “I can’t.”
    I went into Rico’s house to phone home for a ride. Mom answered the phone. Reg
    was picking Dad up, but she said she’d come home to pick me up. She didn’t sound drunk.
    Something was going right.
    It’s a good thing I came home. I got Mom to do a little work on the auction. And both photographers called me back. One really loves animals and had a cat from one of the shelters. She said she’d come by the shelter tomorrow.
    Midnight
    Amalia called this evening to see how I was feeling, as if I were sick. I told her I was fine, that I just had a lot on my mind. “Like what?” she asked.
    I told her about the benefit and added, “I’m worried about my date with Justin.”
    She’s going shopping with me at the mall after work tomorrow. I’ll have my hair done at Hair Today, shop for an outfit, and buy some under eye cover makeup.
    As soon as Amalia and I hung up, Justin called. I figured he called to break the date. But he only wondered if I was okay.
    I told him I was fine.
    Then he reminded me about our date. As if I needed a reminder. He told me he’s
    pick me up at seven o’clock.
    He actually called it a “date.” I’m more nervous than ever.
    I lost another pound. Two more to go.
    Thursday 7/23
    9:16 A.M.
    Little Guy died early this morning.
    We’re sad at the shelter today.
    10:45 P.M.
    Zeke phoned me. He went on and on about how much he hates tennis campo. I
    just listened.
    Then he asked me about Mom and Dad.
    I told him they were fine.
    “Tell me everything,” he said. “What’s everyone doing?”
    I told him a couple of things about the benefit. But I didn’t feel like talking to Zeke. Or anyone else.
    I’m just so tired.
    Zeke wouldn’t give up. “What are they doing now?” he asked.
    “Why don’t you ask them yourself?” I asked. “They’re both here. Call back on the house phone.”
    “I can’t do that!” Zeke shrieked. “I’ll say I want to come home and Dad will yell at me for being a quitter.”
    I’d like to help my brother, but what can I do?
    I told him I was exhausted and had to get off the phone.
    Everyone is getting on my nerves today.
    After work I met Amalia at Hair Today. I couldn’t decide how I wanted Darlene to cut my hair. Finally, I followed her suggestion to have it short in the back, slanting to longer in the front. Amalia said it looks great and very :in.” I think it makes my face look rounder than ever, meaning fat, which it is.
    As we were leaving Hair Today we spotted Sunny and Ducky coming out of a
    lingerie shop.
    I hadn’t seen either of them in ages.
    “Cool haircut,” was Sunny’s first comment.
    “Way cool,” added Ducky.
    When I said I wasn’t sure I liked it, Sunny suggested I add a coloured steak to one side. (But I sued to put colours in my hair all the time. I’m a little sick of coloured streaks
    —on me anyway.)
    Ducky said that wasn’t my style. That everyone had to go with his or her own
    style.
    Right. If you have a style. Which I don’t.
    Sunny studied me. “Hey, did you lose weight or something?” she asked. “You
    look good.”
    At last someone noticed.
    “Maybe a little,” I said.
    “You look like you’ve lost a lot of weight,” said Ducky. “Are you sure you’re
    eating enough?”
    “Of course I’m eating enough.” I almost added, “That’s my problem,” but I didn’t want to get into a whole discussion about food.
    Sunny is model-thin. I wondered if