Read Maternity Leave for Free Online

starting today, and in nine months I’d take a three month maternity leave. This would allow me to keep my job and salary, while I raced before and during the big event. Pregnancy is the ultimate perk if you can do it and avoid the inconvenience of gaining fifty pounds, stretching your vagina and raising a kid for eighteen years. I’d say I was a genius, except for the fact that I’d worked at my office for three years now and had not created three fake kids already. I walked toward David’s office and clicked my heels together for the first time in my life because it just seemed like the right thing to do under the circumstances. The heel clicking did nothing for me.
    I sat down in David’s office and he said, “Jennifer, before I place this phone call, are you familiar with this case?”
    “You mean the case you just assigned to me forty-five seconds ago?”
    “Yes, did you have a chance to go over it?”
    By virtue of the case arising in the subrogation department, I gathered that it was a subrogation case. Other than that, I was at a loss. “Yeah David, I’ve gone over it pretty thoroughly.”
    “Great, let’s call Ralph.”
    “Ralph?” I said hesitantly.
    “Yeah, Ralph Walker, the personal attorney of our client’s insured. What’s funny is that Ralph has been pursuing this case for over a year. But now that Ralph’s client’s insurance company completed its adjustment of the claim, it hired us to pursue payment. So now Ralph will be our co-counsel. I have to schmooze him so he’s not upset that we’re taking over.”
    David spent the first fifteen minutes of the conversation introducing himself and explaining why Ralph’s firm and our firm should join forces. Then, David really turned on the charm and said, “Of course, Johnson Smith Jones Greene Taylor should be lead counsel. You know, the reason the defendant hasn’t settled already is because he doesn’t respect your firm. Now that Johnson Smith Jones Greene Taylor is involved, the defendants will get scared and settle immediately.”
    I sat in my chair turning darker and darker shades of red as David continued to insult Ralph and beat his own chest. I stared at his familiar features, hating him. He is middle-age with a receding hairline and average in every way, including height, weight and appearance. However, his face irks me because he has skin tags of some sort all over his right eyelid and below his right eye. His thick glasses magnify the tiny bumps so that they’re the only things I can see on his face. I literally cannot avoid them and often sit in his office distracted, ignoring his babbling, wondering how many millions he has to earn before he pays a twenty-five dollar deductible to have them removed.
    David told Ralph, “The defendants don’t realize it yet, but they have awakened a sleeping giant. You’ve heard of MY firm right? We are a big player. When I call the defendants, they’ll hear us roar. You know what I mean? ROOOAAARRRRR!”
    Seriously, he roared to Ralph over the phone. I made a note to myself to call Ralph later in the day to apologize and distinguish myself as sane. David has a knack for making me cringe in front of other attorneys. One time, at a mediation, David and I were reviewing a release drafted by opposing counsel. Instead of just reviewing the release for content, David started adding commas and semi-colons to the release, which was drafted by a Harvard-educated adverse attorney. David’s corrections were questionable at best. He insists that adding a comma before the word “and,” is the only acceptable way to draft a list of items. For instance, “apples, oranges, and grapes.” It was clear the opposing counsel did not appreciate the grammar tips, but the other attorney did not engage in a discussion about the point as I had hoped. Not that it would have helped. One time, I sent David the Wikipedia link about the “serial comma.”
    The serial comma, (also known as the Oxford comma or Harvard