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They were large and fluctuated between pale blue and gray, depending on her moods. Eddie always said she had bedroom eyes. When she tried, she could actually achieve a modest level of prettiness with the use of cosmetics. Her hair was shoulder-length; a dull, drab brown; straight and resistant to curling. She wore it in a modest bun her first day back. Before she gained so much weight, she had a cute figure and never needed to exercise. Boy, those days were over! She sported a 75R14 around her waist. She shifted in dismay in her chair to realize she was pathetic.
    After playing nursemaid the last eighteen months ; she forgot how to apply eyeliner, much less saw the need for it. She felt the need for artifice the minute she developed this icky crush. Now all she wanted to do was roll in a vat of paint, just to cover up what was underneath.
    Ian made her feel things she didn’t want to feel so soon after Eddie died . Then, to find that awful letter that made her whole life a ridiculous farce quadrupled her misery.
    Emily sighed, her eyes seeking him despite her best effort to ignore this impossible attraction. He didn’t know she was alive, yet he reeled her in as effortlessly as a magnet. She couldn’t help herself from watching him, thinking of him, and wanting him.
    Ian was back in his own office now, on the computer, a Blue-tooth device in his ear. She watched him through his open blinds; a sigh escaping her once more. What was it about him that made him irresistible to her? There were other men in the department who were just as attractive. He had something; a certain aura. It riveted a woman at once. It was a carnal knowledge this man knew how to please a woman.
    Maybe it was because he was seemingly unattainable that made him so desirable to her? Whatever it was; she was no better than the rest of the women in the office, panting after him without a hope in hell of getting anywhere with it.
    “Forget it . He’s a swan and you’re a duck,” Emily whispered to herself in an anguished whisper; even as her eyes hungrily followed him to the water cooler despite her determination to ignore him.

Chapter Four
     
    “How was your first day back?” Emily wrinkled her nose as she answered her cell phone, knowing it was Joan by the ringtone. Superfreak by Rick James fit Joan to a tee.
    For s ome reason, she didn’t want to share her new crush with Joan. Another stab of guilt filled her to withhold such girlish secrets from her best friend. Joan would have enjoyed hearing about Ian. Emily didn’t want to share him with anyone. She didn’t want to admit, even to Joan, how desperate and awful it was to have this absurd crush on her new coworker. She wasn’t foolish enough to say it was love at first sight. But having never experienced that phenomena; she was clueless what was fuelling these ongoing fantasies of him.
    “ Probably as bad as you could have expected,” Emily said and sighed tiredly as she pulled into her driveway. “I’m not used to getting up this early anymore. Gotta get to bed early tonight.”
    “You can as soon as we get back from the gym,” Joan replied without missing a beat. “John has a gold membership at the country club. That allows me to bring a guest with me. So no more arguments you can’t afford this.”
    “I’m too tired. Not tonight .” Emily wanted to do anything but go to the gym. She’d rather have a root canal than work out right now.
    “ You’re not getting out of this, Em! I even bought a new work-out outfit!”
    “I’m tired, Joan. Can we please do it tomorrow?”
    “No, because you’ll be too tired tomorrow too, Em, and the next day, and so on,” her friend grumbled. “You said you would do this with me last night.”
    Emily couldn’t argue she definitely promised to go with her best friend, feeling a motivational burst encouraged by several glasses of white wine the night before. The alcohol gave her a sense of hope she might actually achieve some great result by