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his voice and hearing him say my name messed with my head.  Since that night we spent together talking over dinner last year, I would often find myself drifting off into daydreams about Tom.  They weren’t only centered around the two of us doing the deed; I also envisioned just being with him, being someone special to him.  But as I stared out the window then and absentmindedly stirred the gravy, I was thinking about him kissing me, touching me, taking me.
    By typical standards, I would be considered pretty inex perienced for a college senior.  Since my few very awkward and clumsy first experiences with my high school sweetheart, there had been a long dry spell in that department.  After high school, Matt and I stayed together through most of freshman year even though he was in Chicago and I was here.  In hindsight, I don’t know why we stuck it out that long; just took us a really long time to cut the cord. Sex with Matt was…underwhelming.  That first time, I gave in when he begged and then thereafter it was always hurried, vanilla, and unsatisfying.  The earth-shattering, body-rocking experience I’d hoped for just hadn’t happened. 
    I’d assumed I’d be with Nick in that way but our relationship imploded fairly quickly; I never felt that we got to the point of feeling enough love and trust towards one another for me to give myself to him.  I’d had plenty of opportunities for meaningless hook-ups along the way but I just couldn’t ever do that.  As a result, I was now a seriously sexually deprived twenty-one year old.
    In my dreams, Tom always tells me he lov es me before he touches me.  Yeah, I’m a hopeless romantic.  “You know I love you Darcy, right?” he whispers this in my ear as he presses into me, his front against my back.  I’m breathless and nod my head.  He trails a finger slowly from my wrist, all the way down my arm.  He puts one hand up my shirt and cups my breast while the other hand undoes the button and slides beneath the waistband of my jeans, beneath the lace, and straight to me.  He’s touching me as he grinds his hips into me.  I reach behind me and try to fumble with the button on his jeans and—then I come-to when I hear Beth stomping back down the stairs.  My cheeks are flushed and I have to lean against the counter for a minute until I can stand on my own again. 
    There’s no relief.  I want him so badly.  Not just in that way, though.  I want all of him.  I want him to love me.
     
     
    Tom
    I was ready for him, “What’s up Nick?”
    He stood less than a foot from me with his hands fisted at his side and a look of pure rage in his eyes. “I’m telling you to stay away from her, Tom.”
    “Can’t.”
    His jaw stiffened. “Did you fuck her?”
    “Man, shut u p.  She’s not like that to me.”
    He laughed but it was more like a sneer, “She’s not like that to you? How is she, Tom?”
    “Nothing’s happened but I really like her, Nick.  I’m s orry but I’m not staying away.”
    I could tell Nick was thinking of his next move.  He thought better of going at me.  He knew he’d lose.  He glared at me and then just turned and left.
    I did feel bad about Nick but at the same time I was walking on air.  Hearing her sweet voice on the phone, knowing she was looking out for me, k nowing she, how did she say it…“might be into me”?  It made me crazy happy and made me want to go right to her.
    As I walked up to her place, the smell of whatever she was cooking wafted out through the kitchen window.  It overwhelmed me.  It smelled like home, warm and safe.  This time I was staying for d inner.
    I walked in the open door and saw her lifting a big bird out of the oven.  Even that was sexy when she did it.  After she set the pan on the counter, she reached up with the back of her hand to move a loose strand of hair from her face.  I just stood there watching.  She had her back to me.  She was barefoot, wearing some workout pants and a