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value as a dinner guest than as supper.
    Evil Monkey: “Another one of those Kosher-After-You-Die animals?”
    Ann: “Actually. . .yes.”
    Evil Monkey: “And again only for the righteous?”
    Ann: “Yes. What else have you learned from our investigations?”
    Evil Monkey: “I’ve learned you Jews are lucky to be alive, given how many types of animals are forbidden to you. I’ve learned roosters can be dragons. I’ve learned Bigfoot might be an air plant. And, um, one last thing.”
    Ann: “What’s that?”
    Evil Monkey: “I’m not really very hungry anymore.”
    Ann: “Me neither, to be honest.”

The Duff Goldman Dialogues
    Or, How to Cook a Mongolian Death Worm
    Duff Goldman is the star of the hit Food Network reality show Ace of Cakes , which features his world-famous cake-making business in Baltimore. A huge fan of Star Wars and a variety of fantasy and science fiction, Goldman has even been made into a character in the video game World of Warcraft . When Goldman caught wind of our project and started riffing off the idea of recipes for imaginary animals in an email, we thought we’d call him up and record his thoughts on the subject for this book.
    Ann VanderMeer: So to start — do you think Wookiees are kosher?
    Duff Goldman: Yes, I think that. Let’s try to keep one foot in the realm of fantasy and one foot in the realm of reality. Kind of a comparison. A Highland cow — a Scotland cow — like a yak, a bison. Just really hairy and furry. The hair of that thing hangs off like a Wookiee’s hair. I would say that, sans sciatic nerve, Wookiee is probably kosher. Wookiees are really tough, and I don’t think I’d want to be the one to take one down. The difficulties in just butchering a Wookiee might render it treyf but I’m gonna say given the perfect circumstances — you got a really good butcher — I am going to say go for the Wookiee. If you are going to serve Wookiee, the best way to remove the remaining blood is to soak it because you won’t have to oversalt it. Those things are really tough, so you’ll want to cook it for a very long time. Just ’cause they’re Wookiees. Beefcakes.
    Ann: What would be a good side dish for Wookiee?
    Duff: Fava beans and a nice Chianti?
    Ann: Seriously, though, what would you drink with Wookiee?
    Duff: A big Cabernet. You want something either really big or really sharp. A really big dark Cabernet or maybe something that cuts a little bit, like a Pinot Grigio or something like that. Something that would introduce that acid element to it and wash down the years of battle that Wookiee’s been through because it’s all scarred up and tough. So I’m gonna say like a stew. Probably serve it in a stew, or you might get some braised Wookiee shank. There’s no waving the Wookiee over the grill and serving it. That’s just ridiculous.
    Ann: Let me ask you this. What about the pollo maligno in our book — the evil cannibalistic chicken. I don’t know if it’s a cannibalistic chicken because it eats other chickens or eats humans.
    Duff: I tell you this: definitely, absolutely — if butchered right — totally and completely kosher. And here’s why: You ever seen an industrial chicken farm?
    Ann: I’ve actually seen them on TV but not in person, because I’m afraid.
    Duff: If those things can be butchered and served glatt kosher, hormone-injected, subjected to the worst kind of animal cruelty, then saying that a cannibalistic chicken wouldn’t be kosher would be straight-up hypocrisy. So pollo maligno is definitely kosher.
    Ann: What would you recommend for preparing it?
    Duff: Again, you have to assume this is definitely not kept in a farm, so it’ll be a little bit gamey. So I would say cook it for a while, and braise or stew with prunes. Any kind of dried fruit — a dried fruit compote — using any kind of white wine. And then like make a maligno stock as well — don’t let the bones go to waste. If you can get a bunch of these guys together in