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creatures. Besides, that’s up for debate, because if you look at a shark’s skin close enough, it does have scales. Which makes it kosher. If you can see scales with the naked eye, does that make it kosher — or if you look at it through a microscope, and you see little micro-scales, does that make it kosher? And it really just depends on tradition more than anything else. But I’m going to say pretty much anything Clive Barker thought of is probably so twisted and fed on so many non-kosher things, that whatever that thing is, it’s not kosher.
    Ann: We’re allowed to eat locusts, too, you know.
    Duff: Are you sure?
    Ann: That’s in the Bible. I think that’s the only insect we can eat.
    Duff: I’m looking at the swarming things, Leviticus 11:12. A few are specifically permitted, but the sages are no longer sure which ones they are, so all of them have been forbidden. There are communities that have traditions about what species are permitted, and some allow insects to be eaten.
    Ann: I think it’s always been local rules for some of those things. Because I know, even with Passover, in certain traditions you can’t have rice, and in other traditions you can.
    Duff: It really is a quandary, isn’t it? Kosher in general is.
    Ann: There have been major discussions about whether or not angels are kosher, and another discussion about whether they were even imaginary.
    Duff: If you’re going to eat an angel, I’d eat a cherub. Because they’re younger, tastier. Fat little bastards that can’t move around much, so they’re not going to get real tough. Cherubs are like the veal of the angelic world.
    Ann: Not all angels are sweet and wonderful. Some of them are quite horrific.
    Duff: I’m sure. I don’t think that would be tasty.
    Ann: There’s also that one angel that’s got three faces. The kids at synagogue always love to read that because it’s just bizarre. And six legs.
    Duff: What about owls?
    Ann: No, because they’re birds of prey. I was looking at the Cornish Owlman, and that creature is actually very, very creepy. When I started researching that, I had nightmares for like a week. It’s the same creature as the mothman in a way, but even creepier.
    Duff: Chupacabra?
    Ann: Creepy, too, and potentially so many different things.
    Duff: Whatever they are, they’re animals of prey.
    Ann: And definitely some kind of mammal. But there’ve been so many different descriptions of what it is.
    Duff: If you’re going to talk about fantasy animals, there has to be some leeway, like the Chupacabra. Are they tasty?
    Ann: They might be kind of tough and stringy.
    Duff: Probably, but so is brisket. So you cook it right. I say go for it.
    Ann: What about the Mongolian death worm? Like the sandworms from Dune .
    Duff: It’s almost like a worm with a skeleton.
    Ann: They have teeth.
    Duff: I dunno. It’s still pretty snaky.
    Ann: I’m sure it’s not kosher.
    Duff: It’s either a snake or some sort of tubular sea creature. But it does reside in the Gobi Desert, and we said before if it comes out of a Chinese restaurant, it’s good to go. There’s a good chance the death worm is kosher.
    Ann: How would you cook that?
    Duff: I’d keep it whole, and I would do it like a Mongolian death worm tempura. No, wait. Here’s what I’d do — I’d grill it and wrap it in seaweed and then wrap it in rice and make a sushi roll out of it. It’s begging for it. So either tempura or a cooked sushi. I wouldn’t eat a raw death worm — looks like it would spill goop on you. But, grilled, yes. Something like that is pure protein, so you’ll want to balance it out with some pickled daikon in the roll so you get that acidic and that sweet element. Fresh mango. And a tempura-fried scallion in the roll. Just be careful with the rice and don’t use fish sauce, because most of it isn’t kosher. I’ve never seen a bottle that’s been certified. You could get a good five sushi rolls out of one of these things.
    Ann: What about