me.
“I don’t ever want her to know.”
“Why?” Jake turned on his side and lifted himself up onto his elbow. He rested his head on his hand and yawned. Poor guy. He probably got no sleep. He and Jessica were crazy good lovers. I’d heard stories, and a few times I actually heard how earth shattering the love they made was. They weren’t big on PDA, but Jessica wasn’t known for being quiet when they disappeared into Jake’s room. There were more than a couple nights Stacy and I fell asleep talking about what we thought Jake looked like naked and how amazing he had to be in bed. Jake ran every day, and almost every day, he and Sam would go to the gym and lift. It was no secret his body was in amazing shape.
As he lay on his side across from me, his defined abs were within reach. Again, I was distracted. How good would it feel to be physically loved the way I knew Jake loved Jessica? I was so sad and ached for someone to love me the way I longed to be loved. To forget how much pain Noah had caused me. It wasn’t often that I allowed myself to think about Jake that way. I was usually the one stopping Stacy’s perfectly choreographed fantasies she shared with me. Jake was my best friend, and it felt like I was cheating on Noah when she would put those images in my head. But on the morning after finding out all the places Noah’s dick had been, I decided to let my mind go there.
But then I thought of poor Jessica. This was crossing the line. I needed to stop fantasizing about the things Jake could do to my body. She may have just left before I got there, for all I knew. I had another fleeting thought about lying on the sheets they had rumpled together. I brushed that thought away as soon as it came.
“I don’t want to be that girl, the victim.”
“So, don’t let him make you the victim. He made his bed. Be the survivor and leave the shithead. Cut him off from everything connected to you. Say goodbye and mean it.” He stared at me with those blue eyes. His words were harsh, his voice stern, his jaw was clenched, but his eyes held my pain like he was trying to take it from me.
“I’m going downstairs. Thanks for talking.” I hugged him then climbed from his bed to go home. Sam caught me at Jake’s door and hugged me so tight it pushed out one of the sobs I had been holding back. He kissed me on the forehead.
“Gracie…” Jake’s voice wrapped around me like another hug. I turned, knowing his voice would calm me just a little more. “You will be okay without him, I promise. I’ll help you get through this.”
I smiled and started walking toward the hallway.
“Um, hey…” His voice was a little pained. I turned quicker to see what was wrong. “You might wanna…” With those words, he slowly pointed to his neck, and then to me.
I immediately headed toward his bathroom mirror. “That peckerhead,” I whispered. My neck was covered in fresh purple-blue bruises—evidence that he really had sucked the life out of me last night. The tears started again.
Red, puffy eyes, and a turtleneck on a warm September day. That was the only way to go. I had to go to lunch with his mom…and him.
Six
I flopped into my bunk, exhausted from pretending everything was fine at lunch. I guess everything was fine, if imagining I was scraping Noah’s face off with his fork seems fine to anyone other than me. Noah didn’t do the PDA thing anywhere, but especially not in front of his parents. So, I didn’t think Karen noticed anything was different. I spent the entire lunch fighting back tears and waves of nausea. I worked really hard to keep Noah out of my line of sight, I never could have held it together if I had to look at his face. But I felt his eyes on me the entire time, and it made me sick. My chest ached from the heaving and sobbing I had done up until that point, and I just wanted lunch to be over. I was relieved when he said he had some stuff to do at the house to get ready for an event they were