I Just Want My Pants Back
we’ll be fast,” I said, leaning in to continue the kissing. “You won’t even remember it.”
    She avoided my lips. “No, I can’t. I’m sorry, I totally spaced. I have to be on the ball, it’s a huge meeting! You know how those are.”
    Oh yeah, I hated those. The driver switched the station to some percussive Tito Puente number I couldn’t put my finger on. “C’mon, we’re almost there. You’ll sleep over, there’ll be pancakes and a full continental breakfast.”
    “I can’t sleep over! I have no clothes.” She thought for a moment. “Okay, what if I, uh, ‘take care of you’ before we get to your place? Then I can drop you and take this cab straight home.”
    Good sport that I was…
    The mambo music pulsed as she went down on me with a fury. What a motivated little worker she was. I looked out the window at the bleary lights while she did her voodoo. I watched people in suits trudging home from late nights at the office, others I could see in all-night restaurant windows eating, laughing. A girl smoked a cigarette lazily, leaning against a parking meter. An old man with too-short pants lumbered along while his tiny dog pranced near his white-socked ankles. Something was happening in every nook and cranny of the city. Even the two of us in this cab, we were part of it. I looked down at Jane, her head pumping up and down, one hand up her skirt, fiddling about. I was quite enjoying my particular nook and cranny, I wouldn’t trade it. I opened the window and let in the breeze, the sound of the streets overtaking Tito. We weren’t that far from my apartment, only about two avenues and five blocks. I leaned back and closed my eyes against the wind.
    Stopped at a light only a block from my house, I came. She skillfully milked every last drop from me: a mess-free operation. Clearly she had done this before. The driver pulled over as I quickly buttoned my jeans. I caught a glance of his tired eyes in the mirror and looked away.
    “That was fucking hot.” She smiled, and we hugged good night. I slid across the seat and out of the cab.
    “Hey!” she said out the window. “I think you better at least split this ride with me, don’t you think?” I laughed, and pulled out my wallet. I had two dollars.
    I held them up to her. “Shit,” I frowned. “Sorry.”
    Jane grabbed them and fumbled through her bag. “Fuck, I only have five myself.” She handed all of our cash to the driver and got out of the car, grinning. “Looks like you got yourself a slumber party.”

     * * * * * 

    A fter a stop at the cash machine we quickly got ready for bed. Jane made me set the alarm for six, which I was fairly unenthused about, because she had to go home first thing and put on her “meeting outfit.” We rubbed each other all over but neither of us was up for round two. I wasn’t a real fan of round two; if you did it right, in my opinion, once was more than enough. We put our eyeglasses next to each other on the nightstand and spooned for warmth. Jane made a joke about me “owing her one” and gently tangled her leg between mine. I could hardly keep my eyes open. We lay still, and I started drifting off.
    “Do you think I’m a slut because I texted you for sex?” Jane whispered in my ear.
    I turned over so we were nose to nose. “Only in the best, most positive way.”
    She smiled. Her teeth were like Chiclets. I sort of wanted to touch them. She propped herself up on her arm. “So, there’s good sluts and bad sluts?”
    “Sluts are people too, sweetie. There’s all kinds.” I yawned, and covered my mouth. “Ooh—sorry.”
    Jane yawned back, and then lay down against me. “I’m glad you checked your phone, cowboy,” she said, taking my hand.
    “Me too,” I said. “I was happy to hear from you.”
    She kissed me softly on the mouth. We whispered good night and I sank into the pillow.
    The next thing I knew the clock radio was blaring. Apparently, it was raining men. I slapped the thing

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