Read House of Many Tongues for Free Online

hold on to this much of her.
    Suha as Groucho: Do you know how difficult it was just to find her fingers?
    Suha: Well, I didn’t find the fingers. The police did. At least they’re good for something.
    Abu Dalo: (a beat) Suha? Is that you?
    Suha: Tell us a joke, Groucho.
    Suha as Groucho: What do fathers and squares have in common? (a beat)
    They’re never around.
    Abu Dalo: I see you’ve grown up into a mature young woman.
    It’s good to see you.
    Where’s your mother?
    SUHA points to the Ziploc bag.
    Don’t make those kinds of jokes. It’s disgusting.
    Suha: This isn’t a joke.
    Abu Dalo: Are you here to laugh at me?
    Suha: I can’t laugh.
    If I laugh, I might faint.
    If I faint, I could go into a coma.
    Suha as Groucho: The goyl has cataplexy. A rare neuy-ral dis-oyder.
    She can’t experience extreme emotions without falling down.
    Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
    Abu Dalo: You’re crazy. I’m going inside to make some coffee. You can come in when your mother is here.
    Suha: Your Yuad died.
    Three years ago.
    In the middle of The Simpsons
    a rain of mortar fell on our house.
    She was laughing.
    I ran home from the store.
    I swear the entire courtyard turned purple with her blood.
    Purple stone,
    purple columns,
    purple flowers.
    Your Yuad always wanted to be a painter.
    But it was only when she died that she got the colours right.
    You know what pisses me off? The whole situation could’ve been avoided. If you’d have been there like you should’ve, none of this would’ve happened.
    SUHA tries to hand ABU DALO the Ziploc bag.
    Suha as Groucho: At least she doesn’t smell bad. I kept her in the freezer. I had to label the Ziploc with her name.
    Abu Dalo: Uch! Get this away from me.
    Suha: Don’t you want it?
    Abu Dalo: No!
    Suha: You need to bury her.
    Abu Dalo: There’s nothing to bury.
    Suha: Yes there is.
    Abu Dalo: I can’t bury a Ziploc.
    Suha: Yes you can. She wanted to come home. It was her final wish, Father—
    Abu Dalo: Don’t call me that—
    Suha: DON”T BE SUCH A WIMP! (calmly) You have to bury her. It’s your responsibility.
    Abu Dalo: Why didn’t anyone tell me?
    Suha: You stopped calling. For three years. We never heard from you.
    Suha as Groucho: We never hoyd from you.
    Abu Dalo: Would you stop it with that?
    Suha: Meet my pigeon. Groucho.
    Abu Dalo: Groucho?
    Suha as Groucho: I’m a rare comedic boyd. My jokes are so bad I make sure she won’t laugh.
    Suha: Tell us a joke, Groucho.
    Suha as Groucho: What do you call a man with a bag?
    SUHA throws the bag to ABU DALO. He drops it.
    A doyt bag.
    Suha: Bad joke. Bad joke, Jew.
    Abu Dalo: He’s a pigeon.
    Suha: He’s a Jewish pigeon. Look at his nose.
    Abu Dalo: It’s called a beak.
    Suha: It’s a Jewish nose. (She spits on the bird.)
    Abu Dalo: You’re really screwed up.
    ABU DALO leaves. SUHA opens the cage. Groucho won’t fly.
    Suha: Fly, Groucho.
    (whistling, etc.) Fly, Groucho.
    Fly, asshole of a Jew!
    There you have it. Doesn’t even want to leave his cage.
    Suha as Groucho: Fucking fathers. Fucking fucks. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
    Enter ALEX. He peers outside the door.
    Alex: Houston, this is Alex. We’ve identified a female Arab in the house. We’re ready to establish contact.
    Houston: Copy that. You be careful in there.
    Suha: Shut up and get me a shovel.
    Alex: Is this what you always say to men you first meet?
    SUHA stares him up and down, as though noticing him for the first time.
    Suha: You’re not a man.
    Alex: Yes I am. I’ll prove it to you.
    Suha: Shut up, kike, and get me a shovel.
    Alex: I don’t have a shovel.
    Suha: What kind of a man doesn’t have a shovel?
    Alex: The kind of man that doesn’t want to be your typical kind of man.
    Suha: What’s your typical kind of man?
    Alex: The kind that has a shovel.
    Suha: Jew, you’re annoying.
    Alex: No, I’m just diligent with my language.
    Suha: I don’t know you yet. But I sense that I might come to truly hate you.
    Alex: Now you talk like a man.
    Suha: That’s funny.