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Because I don’t even want to talk. I just want a shovel.
    Alex: How very distant and man-like.
    Suha: Piss off.
    Alex: Judging by your behaviour, I’m willing to bet you’ve never had cunnilingus.
    Suha: I’ll bet you’re right.
    Alex: I’ll bet you don’t even know what it is.
    Suha: Does it involve extreme sensation?
    Alex: Guaranteed.
    Suha: I want none of it.
    Alex: I’m perfectly serious when I say I’ve been waiting for a subject like you my whole life. You’re the Palestinian of my dreams.
    Suha: Screw off.
    Alex: You’re the hope of peace between nations.
    Suha: Good God.
    Alex: I had a vision of you. And you came. Together we can save the Middle East!
    Suha: Leave me THE FUCK ALONE!
    SUHA faints.
    Alex: Hello? Hello? Are you okay? Hello?
    ALEX climbs on top of her and starts to give her mouth-to-mouth.
    Suha: Do I know you?
    Alex: We just met.
    Suha: What were you just doing?
    Alex: Giving you mouth-to-mouth.
    Suha: What was I doing?
    Alex: Looking for a shovel.
    Suha: Why?
    Alex: I don’t know. We didn’t get that far yet.
    Suha: How far did we get?
    Alex: We managed to have our first fight. You said I wasn’t a man. So I said you were a man. You tried to ignore me. I pestered, you yelled, then fainted. I resuscitated.
    Suha: (wiping her mouth) You were kissing me.
    Alex: It’s called mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
    Suha: Well there you have it. I let you get under my skin.
    Alex: Damn it. I didn’t even know I was under it. I’m very good at annoying people.
    Suha: I have cataplexy, okay? A rare neural disorder. I can’t experience extreme emotions.
    Alex: Oh. So I guess this means I can’t give you cunnilingus.
    Suha: What’s that?
    Alex: The sexual stimulation of a woman’s genitals employing tongue and lips.
    Suha: I guess not.
    Where do you come from?
    Alex: There’s a high likelihood I’m the test-tube baby of the Dalai Lama and Woody Allen.
    Suha: The Dalai Lama would never donate his sperm to a lab.
    Alex: You never know.
    Suha as Groucho: Can you imagine the Dalai Lama whacking off into a jar?
    They both start to laugh. SUHA catches herself.
    Suha: Damn it. Tell me something boring. Tell me about yourself.
    Alex: I’m a writer and I’m writing a book and I used to love Ilan Ramon but I don’t anymore did you know that he used to fly F16s in the ’80s and once he even flew into Iraq I wonder if the Iraqi shovel is the same as the Israeli shovel you should see the shovels my father has iron shovels plastic shovels pickaxe shovels we even have spoons which is really a kind of shovel—I can get you one—
    Suha: I remember now. I wanted the shovel so my father and I could bury my mother. She wanted to be buried here.
    Alex: (a beat) Oh.
    Suha: Get me a shovel.
    Alex: I never had a mother.
    Suha: Everyone has a mother.
    Alex: My father says I didn’t.
    Suha: My father’s a lying, cowardly cur who knows shit about shit.
    Alex: My father’s a liar too.
    Do you drink orange Tang?
    Suha: Sometimes. Why?
    Alex: I just wanted to know. How different you are than me. I mean, I like orange Tang. A lot.
    Suha: It does leave a stupid mark on the lips.
    Alex: I could get you some if you want.
    Suha: I suppose I’d like that.
    Alex: Where are you from?
    Suha: Jenin.
    Alex: Do they have normal things in Jenin?
    Suha: We have orange Tang.
    ALEX brings out two glasses of orange Tang. They drink them at the same time.
    Alex: Your pigeon’s dead.
    Suha: I know.
    Alex: Is that why you like it?
    Suha: Don’t ask me stupid questions.
    Alex: Do you have any friends?
    Suha: Not really.
    Alex: Me neither.
    My father did something so awful it makes me sick to know the truth.
    Suha: Yeah, well the truth is liable to make anyone puke their guts out.
    Alex: For some reason I like talking to you.
    Suha: Get me a shovel.
    Alex: Do you want me to help you bury your mother?
    SUHA faints. Blackout.
    End of Act I.

Act II
Scene 1
    ABU DALO is drunk and alone, playing Scratch ’n Win. Each time he takes a card he