Read Hold Me Close (Devil's Chariots Motorcycle Club Book 1) for Free Online Page A
Authors: Miranda Banks
thought for a moment. “Tomorrow.” And with that he walked out of the water. “I'm done tonight.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
He watched her. Standing in the water. Dumbfounded by the idea. He watched her and he bitched at himself. Why had he done that?
The kiss had left him feeling uneasy. Not in a bad way. He wanted more. Needed more. And now that he'd had a taste, it was going to be hell on earth to fight his urges and instincts.
The date was a sudden decision. Although it wasn't a date. But it was. God damn. He felt like a psychopath. He didn't know what was real. He didn't know what he wanted. He could barely deal with everything going on inside of him.
“Dan, I need your advice.” He found himself talking to the sky.
Beth was still in the water. Splashing and trying to make herself okay with everything. He was asking his best friend who was dead for advice about wanting his wife. That seemed logical.
He figured what the hell and he began to talk to what amounted to himself.
“Buddy, I fucked up. I tried to do what you asked. I wanted to help her. Take care of her. Make sure she was safe and okay.” He took a deep breath. “She's amazing, man.” He smiled as the words came out. “I never expected that. I mean, I should have. You loved her. She had to be special. But I never guessed how very much.” he sighed. “It feels wrong. Wanting her the way I do. It feels like I'm betraying you.” Johnny looked up and saw Bethany swimming in the moonlight.
“I can't help it. She is so easy to love. Her smile. Her laugh. Even her cooking.” He laughed out loud. “She says you didn't like her cooking. I think it's awesome.” He thought for a second. “I kissed her, man.” He felt like he was in a confessional. “Not much, but it was a kiss. I want to do it again. And a lot more. But I'm not sure. She needs a man who can be there. Am I up to it? Is it bad? Am I wrong? Is this something that is going to hurt you man? I feel like a fuck up.” He finished up quickly because he saw Beth approaching.
“Ready?” she asked with an uncomfortable gaze.
“Sure.” Johnny stood and took her arm to lead her back to the bike.
“I've been thinking,” she said as they walked.
Johnny was afraid of what she was going to say. She'd been thinking about their date? She didn't want to go? He kept reminding himself that it wasn't a date.
“About?” He was waiting and hoping for the best.
“I think Dan would be happy for us,” she said, and his heart skipped.
Was she really saying what he thought she was saying? Was this an answer to the questions he'd just been asking himself?
“That we are friends and all. He would be happy that we have each other,” she finished, and his hopes sank.
Of course. She was referring to their friendship.
“I'm sure he would,” Johnny replied.
“I miss him, Johnny,” she admitted.
Seeing the hurt on her face gave him even more guilt that he'd felt before.
“Me too,” he answered, and he knew he meant it.
***
She wasn't ready to head back. She wasn't ready to feel him underneath her hands. She was still reeling in the kiss. In fact, she was hopeful another was on its way. She needed it.
“I don't…” she stopped before they got on the bike.
Johnny looked at her. He was concerned. It took a minute to register that he thought she was scared.
“I'm sorry,” he offered.
“I just want to sit here.” She smiled. “It's nice out.”
He took her and they walked back towards the beach. After finding a nice spot, he sat down and she sat beside him. Everything in her hoped that he'd choose to kiss her again. Hold her hand. Something to show his affection.
Instead he sat and stared at the water.
“I feel guilty,” she admitted to him.
***
Of course she felt guilty. He'd kissed her. She loved his best friend. Hell, he felt guilty. But he didn't
CHAPTER SEVEN
He watched her. Standing in the water. Dumbfounded by the idea. He watched her and he bitched at himself. Why had he done that?
The kiss had left him feeling uneasy. Not in a bad way. He wanted more. Needed more. And now that he'd had a taste, it was going to be hell on earth to fight his urges and instincts.
The date was a sudden decision. Although it wasn't a date. But it was. God damn. He felt like a psychopath. He didn't know what was real. He didn't know what he wanted. He could barely deal with everything going on inside of him.
“Dan, I need your advice.” He found himself talking to the sky.
Beth was still in the water. Splashing and trying to make herself okay with everything. He was asking his best friend who was dead for advice about wanting his wife. That seemed logical.
He figured what the hell and he began to talk to what amounted to himself.
“Buddy, I fucked up. I tried to do what you asked. I wanted to help her. Take care of her. Make sure she was safe and okay.” He took a deep breath. “She's amazing, man.” He smiled as the words came out. “I never expected that. I mean, I should have. You loved her. She had to be special. But I never guessed how very much.” he sighed. “It feels wrong. Wanting her the way I do. It feels like I'm betraying you.” Johnny looked up and saw Bethany swimming in the moonlight.
“I can't help it. She is so easy to love. Her smile. Her laugh. Even her cooking.” He laughed out loud. “She says you didn't like her cooking. I think it's awesome.” He thought for a second. “I kissed her, man.” He felt like he was in a confessional. “Not much, but it was a kiss. I want to do it again. And a lot more. But I'm not sure. She needs a man who can be there. Am I up to it? Is it bad? Am I wrong? Is this something that is going to hurt you man? I feel like a fuck up.” He finished up quickly because he saw Beth approaching.
“Ready?” she asked with an uncomfortable gaze.
“Sure.” Johnny stood and took her arm to lead her back to the bike.
“I've been thinking,” she said as they walked.
Johnny was afraid of what she was going to say. She'd been thinking about their date? She didn't want to go? He kept reminding himself that it wasn't a date.
“About?” He was waiting and hoping for the best.
“I think Dan would be happy for us,” she said, and his heart skipped.
Was she really saying what he thought she was saying? Was this an answer to the questions he'd just been asking himself?
“That we are friends and all. He would be happy that we have each other,” she finished, and his hopes sank.
Of course. She was referring to their friendship.
“I'm sure he would,” Johnny replied.
“I miss him, Johnny,” she admitted.
Seeing the hurt on her face gave him even more guilt that he'd felt before.
“Me too,” he answered, and he knew he meant it.
***
She wasn't ready to head back. She wasn't ready to feel him underneath her hands. She was still reeling in the kiss. In fact, she was hopeful another was on its way. She needed it.
“I don't…” she stopped before they got on the bike.
Johnny looked at her. He was concerned. It took a minute to register that he thought she was scared.
“I'm sorry,” he offered.
“I just want to sit here.” She smiled. “It's nice out.”
He took her and they walked back towards the beach. After finding a nice spot, he sat down and she sat beside him. Everything in her hoped that he'd choose to kiss her again. Hold her hand. Something to show his affection.
Instead he sat and stared at the water.
“I feel guilty,” she admitted to him.
***
Of course she felt guilty. He'd kissed her. She loved his best friend. Hell, he felt guilty. But he didn't
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