Read Hold Me Close (Devil's Chariots Motorcycle Club Book 1) for Free Online Page B

want to talk about it.
     
    “You shouldn't.” He tried to stop the subject.
     
    “I do.” She looked into the sand beneath her. “I want more,” she confessed, and Johnny's heart stopped.
     
    “More?” he questioned, hoping the answer was what he wanted.
     
    “Yes. I don't just want to be Dan's old lady, Dan’s widow,” she shared. “I want to be happy as me.”
     
    “Dan would want that,” Johnny told her with confidence.
     
    “Would he? Would he really want me to be happy with another man?” Her question bothered him. “Would he be okay with me dating someone else? Kissing someone else? Wanting someone else?”
     
    She wasn't talking about just someone else. She was talking about him. He knew it. But she'd never say it.
     
    “I think so,” Johnny answered. “As long as you’re happy and this man’s good to you.”
     
    “What if I’m not good to him?” she asked.
     
    “How would you not be good to him?” Johnny asked incredulously.
     
    “Maybe I'd want him to change. Maybe I'd expect him to give up himself for me.” She sighed and stared ahead. “I wanted that from Dan.”
     
    “Not really,” he told her. “You let Dan do his thing.”
     
    “No,” she said angrily. “I begged. He didn't listen. Now he's dead.” She was crying. “I hate him for that. For dying. For leaving me.”
     
    Johnny sat, deafened by the sound of her tears. “Me too, Beth. Me too.”
     

CHAPTER EIGHT
     
    She could hear her own heartbeat. It was ringing quickly in her ears and making her feel a little crazy. Johnny hadn't spoken since she'd said her piece about Dan. Not even about their date. Was it a date? She wasn't sure.
     
    The entire ride home was difficult. Her arms were wrapped tightly around him. His body was stiff. Her hands could feel his heartbeat and it was as erratic and crazy as her own. Was he thinking about the same things?
     
    Bethany wondered what Dan would think. She couldn't decide if he'd be upset that she and Johnny were getting so close to something resembling a relationship or if he'd be happy that they were taking care of each other.
     
    As the wind blew against her face, Dan appeared in her mind. Even after all of this time she could still see him. It was if he were there beside her. Watching her cling to his best friend. His smile beamed at her. The sound of his voice resounded in her ears. “It's okay,” she could hear him speak, and for a moment she felt like it was all going to be fine. For that minute in time she was secure in what she felt for the man in front of her.
     
    ***
     
    Why the hell had he said that? It was the only question that was on Johnny's mind as he steered the bike along the deserted streets. He had insisted on a date. A movie. But it wasn't a date, right? They were friends?
     
    That was the theory. Friends. He didn't want those little urges that came about unexpectedly. He didn't want to feel the things he found himself feeling a lot more every day.
     
    He didn't want to ache when he felt her hands pressed against him. Johnny didn't need the trouble that came with it. There was more than the guilt he would have over being with his best friend's wife. It went far beyond that.
     
    She'd depend on him. He'd have to be faithful. He'd have to answer to her. He'd be expected to commit. Fuck that. He didn't need anything tying him down. He was a straggler. A survivor. Commitment? That wasn't his style. Never had been.
     
    He ignored the voice in his mind that told him he'd already given all of that up and committed. It wasn't true. He was just helping her through a bad situation. A really bad one. It needed the extra time.
     
    ***
     
    Bethany hated trying to figure out what was inside his mind. Johnny and Dan may have been best friends, but they were very different. Dan had been easy to read. She'd always been able to tell what he was thinking. Johnny, not so much.
     
    He was standing in her doorway hesitantly. It made her feel anxious. What