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your home in the Northern Heavens.’
    I bowed my serpent head to them both individually. ‘True Lord Xu, Religious Master of Ten Thousand Magical Arts and Giver of Supernatural Aid; True Lord Yu, Religious Master of Meritorious Magnificence, Original Lord of the Transmission of the Salvific Miracle, I am honoured by your welcome and greet you most cordially.’
    ‘I honour your welcome, my Lords,’ Simone said, and saluted. ‘All appears to be in good order, in alignment with the forces of the Celestial and pleasing to the spirit.’
    Lord Xu gestured towards the sedan chair. ‘My Ladies, if it pleases you, I have arranged this transportation to your abode in the Heavens, guarded and guided by ourselves to ensure that you reach your destination in safety and comfort.’
    We nodded again and I replied, ‘This transportation is most suitable for our needs and we are pleased to take it to our palace.’
    The officials bowed to us again, and we walked—or in my case slithered with as much dignity as I could muster—to the sedan chair. I coiled up in my ‘senior’place on the seat facing forward and Simone sat facing the back. The curtains over the windows closed by themselves and there was a lurch upwards as the demons lifted the chair. There was barely room for Simone’s knees to clear the seat on my side. She leaned back and closed her eyes. The jingling bits and creaking of leather indicated that the officials had mounted their horses. The sedan chair lurched again and began its horrible swaying progression towards the palace entrance.
    ‘You had it exactly right,’ the stone said. ‘Well done.’
    ‘It’s a freaking script,’ I said softly. ‘It’s all acting.’
    ‘It is an important ceremony that emphasises and enhances your rule over the Northern Heavens and attunes the energy flowing in the palace to your own,’ the stone said. ‘The whole thing is vital to the health of your rule and the Heavens themselves.’
    ‘That is the biggest load of bull I have ever heard,’ Simone said without opening her eyes.
    ‘How does the Tiger put up with all this?’ I said.
    ‘The Tiger revels in it,’ the stone said. ‘Michael’s told you about the Harvest Festival, hasn’t he?’
    ‘Yeah, he says it’s like the German Oktoberfest,’ Simone said. ‘Just a huge excuse to get drunk.’
    ‘The Tiger performs many rituals during the three days of the festival to ensure the safety and wellbeing of his family,’ the stone said. ‘Michael would be aware of that if he were further up the hierarchy of sons. For those lower down, it’s just a big party.’
    ‘It’s kind of disturbing the way they wear cloth patches to indicate their relationship to the Tiger so no incest takes place,’ Simone said. She opened her eyes and grabbed the side of the sedan chair as it lurched particularly violently; one of the carriers had stumbledslightly. ‘I mean, what if they met each other outside the palace and got it on? It’s so wrong. ’
    The stone hesitated slightly, then said, ‘Is this something that concerns you, Simone?’
    She leaned back again, her expression stiff. ‘Maybe.’
    ‘The tradition of “calling” is a way of avoiding this. Mortals do it to mimic Celestials.’
    Simone looked interested. ‘Really? I thought it was just about using the title to show respect.’
    ‘It’s more than just establishing the pecking order in the family,’ the stone said. ‘It’s a way of confirming exactly how closely you’re related. Junior members of the family greet senior members by “calling” them—Poh Poh, Yeh Yeh, Wai Poh for the grandmother on the mother’s side. They establish themselves immediately so everybody present, from other branches of the family too, can straightaway see where they sit in the family network.’
    ‘Jade told me a story about that,’ Simone said. ‘When my mother’s parents first came to visit us in Hong Kong, I went up to my grandmother and “called” her—Poh Poh