Read Hell to Heaven for Free Online Page A

probably; I don’t remember it myself. I was used to “calling” everybody in my family, but it confused them. She just stood there and said “What?”’
    ‘And you were standing there waiting for the “good girl” response that kids always get when they “call” their grandparents,’ I said with amusement. ‘Culture shock both ways just in the first few words.’
    ‘So it’s actually a way of establishing links?’ Simone said. ‘I never thought of it that way. I thought of it—like you said—as the “pecking order” in the family.’ She grinned. ‘Human families have it easy. What about your sister’s son who’s a couple of hundred years older than you and also a tree? What do you call him?’
    ‘Jerk-off,’ I said quietly.
    Simone nodded with mock solemnity. ‘Very well, Lady Emma, when I next “call” my nephew, I will greet him as “Jerk-off”.’
    I stretched out on the cushioned seat. ‘You won’t have to; I’ll probably already have done it.’
    The chair lurched again and I nearly slid off the silk cushions onto the floor. I coiled up again, tightening my grip on the silk. ‘Dammit, I hate these things!’
    ‘I’m not surprised Daddy bought the car,’ Simone said.
    The sedan chair stopped suddenly and I landed on my back on the floor in an undignified heap. I raised my tail to give me the leverage to crawl back onto the cushion but it was too late. The curtains flipped open and there we were: Simone sitting like the princess she was, and me in a three-metre-long tangle at her feet.
    The officials had dismounted and stood on either side of the door to escort us out. I flipped so that I was the right way up, shook my head, and slithered out of the chair and onto the pavers in front of the palace.
    Yue Gui, Simone’s big sister, and Martin, her big brother, waited for us in the forecourt of the palace. They were dressed in Tang-style silk robes: Martin in black and silver; Yue Gui in pink and gold. They bowed and saluted us. Simone and I stood opposite them and bowed back.
    ‘Welcome, She Zheng Zhi, Gong Zhu, Regent and Princess,’ Yue Gui said.
    ‘We thank you, Gong Zhu and Wang Chu, Prince and Princess,’ I said.
    ‘Jie Jie, Ge Ge,’ Simone said, ‘calling’ her relatives.
    ‘Mei Mei,’ Yue Gui and Martin both responded with pleasure.
    Simone’s shoulders slumped slightly. ‘Can we stop with the formal protocol BS now?’
    Martin gave her a quick, friendly hug, then smiled down at her with his hands on her shoulders. ‘Yes, we’re done. Come inside and have some lunch.’
    I held back. ‘Is Sang Shen here?’
    ‘No,’ Yue Gui said, amused by my dislike of her son. ‘He’s still under house arrest at home, serving his sentence.’
    The four of us sat at the round, six-seater table with a couple of demon servants to attend us. We were in Martin’s apartments in the palace: a courtyard house attached to the rest of the complex by a breezeway. It was on the western side of the complex, towards the centre, next to the main apartment occupied by Xuan Wu when he was present. The informal dining room had a pleasant aspect over a small garden next to the high internal defensive wall for Xuan Wu’s residence.
    ‘I could provide you with a variety of different foods, Emma,’ Martin said. ‘It doesn’t have to be alive. Snakes eat dead food too. I’ve seen you eat waffles. Why don’t you just try it?’
    ‘Just give up, Ge Ge,’ Simone said, sounding bored.
    ‘My serpent form doesn’t need to eat,’ I said for the millionth time. ‘You should know this yourself, Martin, we reptiles…’ My voice trailed off.
    ‘Yes. We reptiles ,’ Martin said, jumping on the point. He gestured towards Yue Gui. ‘We are all reptiles together. Even Simone has a reptilian form. Do not be ashamed of it! And by the Heavens, Emma, do me the honour of accepting my hospitality while you are in this form!’
    ‘Well, I don’t need to eat for days on end as serpent,’I said.