Terrified, I try to squint away the image. When I open my eyes again, itâs gone, but for a few moments Iâm sure I can still hear the persistent slap-slap of water as it laps against the concrete rim of the lake.
By Monday morning, Iâm just relieved to be going back to school. The previous night, I laid out my uniform and packed my rucksack â something Iâve never ever done, even before I was ill. Iâm sleeping badly, and I wake early before my alarm goes off. Iâm up and ready within half an hour.
âYouâre keen, Becky,â says Joe as I hurry into the kitchen and start sorting out all my tablets for the day.
âCourse she is, Joe,â Mum says. âHer friends have been back weeks already; she hasnât seen them for ages.â
I let them think this is why Iâm so eager. It is partly true; although Iâve chatted to Leah, Jodie and Alesha online and theyâve invited me to parties and to go shopping with them, each time the thought of all the germs I might pick up stopped me going. Iâm missing them now and I want to catch up on all the gossip first-hand. Iâm even curious to see if Masher and Shannon are still an item, or if thereâs been a ceremonial dumping. But the real reason I want to get back to school is that, just for a while, Iâm desperately hoping Iâll be able to forget all the weird stuff thatâs been happening to me over the last few weeks.
17
âNow, youâre sure youâve got everything?â asks Mum, pulling up to park a short way from the school gates.
âYeah. Think so.â I glance nervously through the car window at the hordes of kids thronging into the playground, laughing and shouting and chatting to one another. After so many months at home, Iâve forgotten how crowded and noisy schools are. Iâm not sure I can do this, I think, panicking. Then through the sea of white, red and grey, to my relief, I spot Leah and Jodie, scanning the playground, looking out for me.
âDonât forget you can text me if you need to,â Mumâs saying as she eyes me warily. âYou will do that, wonât you, Becky? Not that I think for one minute thereâs going to be a problem.â The corner of her mouth twitches up into a smile.
âIâll be fine, Mum, donât worry,â I reply, determined to convince myself as much as her that I will be all right. But, gripping the strap of my school bag, I still hesitate, sittingrooted in the car seat and unwilling to take that first giant step out.
I glance at my watch. Five to nine. Itâs now or never. I fling open the door.
âBye, then. Love you,â I say, scrambling out of the car. I brave it through the school gates, hurrying over to Leah and Jodie. A gaggle of Year Seven boys chasing a football storm across my path, so intent on their game they almost knock me over. I step back out of their way, but bump into two older girls gossiping together.
âWatch it!â the tallest one snaps as the other stares frostily at me through her purple mascaraed lashes.
âSorry,â I mumble.
âBecky!â I hear someone call.
I spin round. Itâs Alesha.
âBecky! Itâs really you!â she yells, rushing forward to hug me.
Iâm really pleased to see her but I canât stop myself: I draw back.
âWhatâs the matter?â
âNothing,â I lie. I force myself to hug her, secretly hoping she doesnât have a cold or anything. âItâs so good to be back.â
18
âSo Iâm sure weâre all really glad to welcome Becky back to school after what has been a very long absence.â Miss Devine flashes me one of her most beaming and gummiest smiles. âI think I can safely say weâve all missed you. And I hope youâll soon settle back into a routine, Becky, ready for next year when you start your GCSE courses.â
âThanks, Miss Devine.â