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to the reflection in the mirror that his parents held up for him in order to determine his goodness, importance, and self-worth.
    In this book I focus on helping you to create a new mirror, one that reflects who you really are as opposed to how your parents or other primary caretakers defined you. Through a process I call Mirror Therapy you will be able to raise your self-esteem, improve your self- image (including your body image), quiet your inner critic, and heal your shame. Although this program is called Mirror Therapy, it involves a lot more than looking in the mirror. Certainly it is not based on the overly simplistic idea, depicted in an old Saturday Night Live skit, of looking into a mirror and repeating affirmations like “I’m good enough,” “I’m smart enough,” and “People like me.” Instead, it is a holistic approach based on important psychological concepts, tech- niques, and beliefs.
    I call my program Mirror Therapy for several reasons:
The mirror symbolizes our identity.
Parental neglect, emotional abuse, and smothering all have a negative (mirroring) effect on a child’s developing identity—his or her self-concept, sense of self, and self-esteem.
Parental emotional abuse and deprivation also have a negative effect on a child’s body image and body awareness. Thus, what the child (and later, the adult) sees when he or she looks in the mirror is distorted.
Parental emotional abuse creates in a child a negative internal judge or critic, which acts as a warped lens that distorts reality.
The practice of mirroring is a fundamental aspect of parenting and is absolutely necessary if a child is to grow into a healthy adult with a strong sense of self and high self-esteem.
Mirror Therapy involves exercises and practices using mirrors as aids to reducing shame and raising self-esteem.
Children mirror parents’ behavior.

    This method focuses on how the negative view or judgment of an emotionally abusive parent defines a child’s self-image; how neglect causes a child to feel worthless and unlovable; and how emotional smothering causes a child to be unable to establish a separate self from his or her parents. Even though I created Mirror Therapy espe- cially for the many who were emotionally abused or neglected as chil- dren, it can work for anyone who suffers from low self-esteem, a poor self-image, or a powerful inner critic, or is riddled with unhealthy shame. This includes people who were physically or sexually abused. By taking in the information in this book and by completing the exercises, you have an opportunity to reject the distorted images you received from your emotionally abusive or neglectful parents once and for all. You have the opportunity to replace these distorted images with a more accurate reflection of who you really are. I call these two processes “Shattering Your Parental Mirror” and “Creating a New Mirror.” I encourage you to take this opportunity. While you cannot reverse all the damage caused by abusive or neglectful parents, you can regain much of the sense of goodness, strength, and wisdom that
    is your birthright.
    Mirror Therapy Assignments
    In addition to various exercises throughout the book, I also offer you Mirror Therapy assignments at the end of each chapter. These assign- ments will help you to focus on important feelings and issues that may arise as you read the book.

    Mirror Therapy Assignment #1
    This week take the time to notice how often you criticize yourself—whether it is because you did not perform the way you expected or because you are not happy with the way you look. Also notice how often you feel exposed, unworthy, or fearful that others will discover how flawed you actually are. If you like, record how often you are self-critical, the types of criticism you notice, and how often you feel shamed and what triggers that shame.
    2
    The Seven Types of Negative Parental Mirrors

    “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt