Read He: (Shey) (Modern Classics (Penguin)) for Free Online

within it.’
    ‘Dada, even if that is true, it’s hard to digest.’
    ‘It’s difficult for you. But these men are scientists. They’ve uprooted their intestines, their stomachs have caved in. Food is forbidden; all they live on is snuff. They inhale nutrients with sniffs of air. Some of these reach their insides, the rest are expelled when they sneeze. So both functions are performed at once: the body is purged, and filled up again.’
    ‘How ingenious! I suppose they’ve set up a huge grindstone. Do they pound chicken, mutton, lamb and vegetables into a jelly and leave it out to dry in huge basins?’
    ‘Certainly not! The entire idea of the digestive system, of abattoirs and butcheries, will be banished. We will be saved the hassle of filling the stomach and paying the bills. The efforts of these scientists will ultimately lead to absolute peace on earth.’
    ‘In that case, agriculture can’t be allowed, as that too involves buying and selling.’
    ‘Let me explain. In the living world, the green of the trees is the source of all life. You know that, don’t you?’
    ‘A sinner like me can’t say so, but if you intellectuals insist, I’m ready to accept the fact.’
    ‘The scientists on the island have extracted a green essence from the grass and dried it in the sun’s ultraviolet rays. They’ve rammed fistfuls of this up their nostrils, just as if it were snuff. In the morning, they stuff their right nostrils; at noon, their left. In the evening, they pack both nostrils full, and that’s the main meal of the day. Their combined sneezes have driven disgusted hordes of birds and animals across the sea to the mainland.’
    ‘That sounds good. I’ve been jobless a long time, Dada, my digestive organs are running amok. If I could start a trade in this snuff at New Market—’
    ‘There’s a bit of a problem there, which I’ll explain to you later. But these scientists have yet another theory to expound. Because man stands erect and walks on his two legs, his heart and stomach hang to their deaths. His innards have been subjected to this unnatural torture for tens of thousands of years. He pays for this by losing years of his life. Men and women die of their suspended hearts. Quadrupeds, however, need never bother their heads about such dangers.’
    ‘I understand, but what’s to be done?’
    ‘The scientists propose that men must learn of Nature’s plan for them from babies. On the highest hill on this island, a professor has inscribed these words on stone: “All men must crawl and re-enter existence as quadrupeds, if they wish to prolong their acquaintance with the earth”.’
    ‘Splendid! But isn’t there something more to this?’
    ‘There is. They remind us that speech is man’s invention, not Nature’s gift. Our incessant babbling daily shortens our breath, and our lives in the long run. Apes, with their natural intelligence, were the first to discover this. Monkeys, created right in the second stage of evolution, survive to this day. Alone on that desolate island, the scientists have pledged absolute deference to this ancient wisdom. They sit in complete silence, gazing at the ground. On that entire island, not a sound issues from human lips; all one can hear are gigantic sneezes.’
     

     
    'How do they communicate?'
    'They've developed an extraordinary code of signals.
Sometimes they pretend to be husking rice; sometimes they wave
imaginary fans; occasionally they're seized by wild fits of swaying
and shaking, like a betel nut tree in the wind. They even write
poetry by scowls and winks. Audiences are often moved to tears,
and where the air is thick with snuff, it gets rather stuffy.'
    'I beg of you, Dada, lend me some money. I must go to
Hoonhau. What a new lark it'll be-'
    'Hold your horses. The new hasn't had the chance to grow
old yet. The settlement's splitting with the scientists' sneezes.
Barrels of green snuff are lying about everywhere. Not a single
nose in the