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infant being described as “spoiled”—as though it could possibly be the fault of the baby that their first party dress cost more than some people’s first car.
    So, how can a child possibly be “spoiled” if they do not come from a family of great financial advantage? Easily. We have access to a lot more today than did our parents, or their parents. Even if we are barely getting by financially, we can still afford to “spoil” our children through our actions, and the expectations those actions develop in our children.
    When a child receives $100 for each A on a report card, a pony for their second birthday, and a new car when they turn 16, most of us would agree that this is too much—an overpayment. But what about those overpayments that are not so extravagant and expensive? Do they still qualify as “spoiling”?
    Yes, if: a) the payment is out of balance with what is usually thought of as normal or typical and, b) this overpayment happens on a regular basis until a child comes to expect this as normal, expected, and deserved.
    We would like to propose that it is really the attitude that counts here, not the amount of money that we have or spend. That there is no “haves vs. have nots”, and socio economic status does little to prevent the creation of spoiled children.
    The rule is that ANY parent ANYWHERE can spoil their child. But let’s shift from the term “spoiled” to “entitled”, because it is the expectation and demands of the child for the overpayment that is the additional troublesome part of the equation.
    Giving favors, special advantages, or rewards—big or small—to children that are whiny, disrespectful or demanding, or take things for granted and do not consider the needs or feelings of others, teaches them that this is the right way to get results. (Passing a glass of water to a child that asks for it in a rude, belligerent manner, or hallowing the privilege to sit in the front seat after pushing their sibling out of the way are examples of this.) It doesn’t have to cost any money at all to create opportunities for entitlement to grow in the lives of our children. Our children will never stop wanting things, advertisers have made sure of that. But this does not mean that we have to give in. Remember, our children learn more by actions than words. If we demand that they act, talk, and walk with gratitude and respect, they will do it because:
It is strongly modeled in our family and that modeling reinforces the family values.
They understand that this is the way our family behaves and it will help them understand how to get what they need in a way that respects these family values.
So, when wetalk about entitlement, we aren’t talking about the haves and have nots. Any child can be entitled if they adopt a certain attitude based on behavior they learned from us.
    Families with great financial wealth do have their own challenges with the overall entitlement concern. Families we have worked with that are very economically advantaged tell us that:
They have a challenging time with saying “no” to their children because they can afford any item or luxury. They want to make their child happy, and it is easier
to say “yes”.
Sometimes they feel guilty and awkward about their money and can have a hard time instilling healthy values around giving and receiving—feeling like they need to “give, give, give” to their children because
they can.
    In contrast, families that we have worked with who can barely afford rent or food tell us that:
They often will let their children disrespect the family rules to make up for the fact that they cannot provide the material comforts that others can.
They will sometimes spend way too much money on coveted items that their children are asking for because they are feeling guilty about not having enough. This adds stress and anxiety when buying the designer jeans or concert tickets that “all the other kids have,” leaves no money to pay essential