here and have hated every day for the entire year following.
I am kneeling in the pass-through, picking up big chunks of glass when Laura bumps up against me with a dustpan.
âThank you,â I say, taking it from her. She doesnât need to work, but she likes it. Her father had the idea initially. Gain a sense of responsibility and structure, he said. Get a feel for the realworld outside her head and her grand schemes and something else about her ability to develop practical skills that would stand her in good stead, and maybe also a distraction from the divorce and the fact that he and her stepmom are never home. She claims she doesnât understand why her father wasnât happy when she decided to come keep me company instead of taking an internship with his law firm.
Nancy, the owner for twenty years, decorated this restaurant in ânautical,â which somehow translates to heavy wood tables and wood paneling and anchors draped with nets on the wall and a giant mounted swordfish that looks worried about the state of the world and bumps softly against the wall as the breeze rattles through. I love this place because none of the kids in town, or their parents, ever show up here. Though they would tip better than the regulars we do get. Laura loves this place because she admires a commitment to a theme and our customersâ dedication to routine.
She is frowning at me and she shakes her head. âOkay. So. What is with you?â she says. âWhatâs going on? Are you okay? Youâre allââ She waves her hands around her like sheâs going to catch the words buzzing by her head. She sits down next to me on the rubber mat. âSeriously,â she says.
âYouâre sitting in a puddle,â I point out. âAnd youâre going to cut your butt on glass. And youâre going to piss Nancy off if she catches you.â
She waves that away. âNancy is worried about many things and I canât do anything about any of them because I am not responsible for her well-being.â
âYouâre responsible for the sourdough,â I say.
She sighs. âI am responsible for the sourdough.â
âWith great sourdough comes great responsibility,â I say.
âDonât make jokes. You make me nervous when you make jokes.â
âIt wasnât funny?â I say. âI thought it was funny.â
âYou make jokes when youâre upset,â she says. âYou try to distract me.â She peers at my face, and I look away, finish sweeping up the wet glass, and drop it into the bin. Sheâs still sitting on the floor, looking up at me, and I canât help sitting back down next to her. She smiles at me.
âI am tired of bringing more sourdough bread to the Monroes,â she says. âThey donât even wait until theyâve finished the last basket. Itâs like theyâre afraid someone else will order it first and then theyâll be shit out of luck and their entire day will be ruined because a day without sourdough is a day without sunshine.â
I snort, and she laughs. She reaches out and pats my head, tucks the piece of hair that always flies out of my ponytail back behind my ear. She is always grooming me like she is a mama cat, and I find it strangely soothing. âYou sure youâre okay? Everything is well and good and right?â
I nod. âDo you want me to take the bread to the Monroes?â I haul myself back up and wipe my hands down on my apron. âHow does this place get so filthy?â I wash my hands at the bar sink, squirt soap onto Lauraâs hands when she holds them out for me.
âWhat are you doing after work?â she says. She sniffs her hands and makes a blargh face. âI hate this stuff. It smells like a hospital died.â
âFood to dad. Dogs. Homework. Another midterm tomorrow and then the party.â
âOh yeah, I should study for my history