you something special this year.â She widens her eyes and leans forward when she sees me stiffen. âShe was at the dealership a couple of days ago. Talking to my father. You know, as they do. Just talking . . . about everything .â
âIâm sure,â I say. My grandmother is good at small talk. I am picturing the Volvo showroom three towns away, my grandmother glancing around at the dumpy little cars and frowning because she has never understood why I liked them. Thinking about the coupon sheâs probably already written out. That is sitting on the writing desk in her office.
âShe didnât tell me she was going to the dealer,â I say before I can stop myself.
âWell, itâs a surprise, isnât it?â Morgan says. âShe tries to get you something surprising every year. Doesnât she?â
I stare at Morgan, her sharp little nose and her wide-set eyes and the smirk on her face, and glance over at Brandon and Jessica. What does Morgan know exactly?
âThatâs how birthdays work,â I say slowly.
Morgan glances away when Dr. Ellman claps her hands, and I breathe for the first time in what seems like minutes.
Behind us Ace is arguing that butts could be an abstract quality instead of a concrete noun.
âOkay, people,â Dr. Ellman says. âWeâre just about done here. Weâre going to stop, and weâre going to breathe through the chime, which isââ She pauses for a moment, then glances at her watch. âWell, almost now. In just a second. There it is,â she says as it chimes over her voice.
Brandon stretches when he stands, and his shirt lifts, showing an expanse of his smooth skin. Iâm not staring. Or I shouldnât be, anyway.
âNo more winks,â he says to me. He slides his arm around Morgan while sheâs shuffling her papers into her bag and she is distracted by the way he looks down at her. Theyâre out the door ahead of me and Ace is at my elbow.
âDid you enjoy chatting about your future with Morgan?â I ask.
âDid you know that Morgan thinks she has no âbestâ qualities because all of her qualities are equally superior?â he says.
âYouâre joking,â I say.
âYouâre exaggerating,â Jolene says, slightly scolding.
Iâm annoyed that something Morgan said actually amuses me.
âIf only I were. But alas, Morgan keeps living up to our expectations.â He sweeps away ahead of us.
Laura says, âWhy is she so awful? I donât understand why anyone would be so awful for no good reason. Itâs like she takes awful pills and washes them down with awful juice and then rolls around in awfulness.â
âShe doesnât mean to be,â Jolene says. âShe just is.â
âShe was trying to scare me, I think,â I say. And I realize thatâs exactly it, this feeling like gravity has stopped working inside meâfear. And a tiny flare of dread that I have worked hard to stomp out. That no one else is ever supposed to see.
âScare you?â Jolene says. âWith what?â
I donât answer.
âThereâs nothing she can scare you with,â Laura says. âSheâs being ridiculous. Sheâs beingââ
âAwful,â Jolene says.
âRight,â I say.
CHAPTER 4
W hen I break my third glass I wish it were magically time to go home, but Iâm only thirty minutes into my shift. Usually I am not ready to go home until at least an hourâs worth of Early Bird Special customers have asked me for another basket of sourdough bread and then want to know how school is and tell me how big Iâm getting and how they remember when I was just this tall and to say hello to my father and grandmother.
Capân Billâs is busy after school because our town is full of retired people who enjoy a deal on clam chowder, which I started to loathe after a month of working