Read Funny Boy Meets the Dumbbell Dentist from Deimos (with Dangerous Dental Decay) for Free Online

of them. They were awful looking, vomit-inducing creatures, too horrible to describe. Just think of the most ugly, disgusting-looking monsters possible, and then imagine something doubly repulsive.
    “They don’t look very hygienic to me,” said Punch.
    I tried to make eye contact with Denny’s hygienist henchmen, but they each had three eyes, and I didn’t know which one to look at. They dragged Tupper down the ramp and over to one of the four dental chairs. Then they strapped her into it tightly. She couldn’t move her arms or legs.
    “Help!” Tupper shouted. “Do something, Funny Boy!”
    “You’ll never get away with this, Denny!” I yelled. “Surrender now, and maybe the criminal justice system will go easy on you.”
    “DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH!”
    Well, that sure didn’t work. Telling bad guys to surrender never works. It’s just as well, because it would make for really boring stories if they simply gave up as soon as we asked them to.
    “KILL?” asked Halitosis hopefully, holding Tupper by the elbow.
    “DIE?” asked Gingivitis.
    “NOT YET, BOYS,” said Denny. “FIRST I MUST DESCRIBE MY PREPOSTEROUS PLAN TO DESTROY THE WORLD.”
    “Oh, this I gotta hear,” said Punch.
    Dr. Denny went over to his giant drill, placing one hand on it, almost lovingly.
    “SEE THIS?” he said. “I WILL USE IT TO DRILL A HOLE IN THE EARTH.”
    “Why?” asked Bob Foster.
    “I WILL CUT A PATH DEEPER THAN THE GRAND CANYON,” Denny said. “AT SOME POINT, THE EARTH WILL SPLIT IN TWO PIECES AND CRACK OPEN LIKE A PISTACHIO NUT! THEN IT WILL SPIN OFF ITS AXIS AND EVERYONE WILL DIE! AHAHAHAHAHA! DRILL, BABY, DRILL!”
    “That’s preposterous!” said Bob Foster.
    “I KNOW,” Denny said. “I ALREADY TOLD YOU IT WAS PREPOSTEROUS.”
    “Do you have any idea how much pain and suffering that will inflict upon the citizens of Earth?” said Bob Foster. “Have you no sympathy at all?”

    “DON’T WORRY,” said Denny. “FIRST I WILL DROWN THE PLANET IN NOVOCAINE. THE CITIZENS OF EARTH WON’T FEEL A THING.”
    “HAHAHAHA!” said Halitosis.
    “HAHAHAHA!” said Gingivitis.
    “Your preposterous plan will never work,” Punch said calmly.
    “WHY NOT, DOG GIRL?”
    “Because there are only a few more chapters left in this book,” Punch said. “These stories always have a happy ending. We’re all fictional, you know.”
    “WE WILL SEE WHO IS FICTIONAL!” shouted Denny. “SEIZE THOSE IDIOTS!”
    We tried to make a run for it, but Halitosis and Gingivitis grabbed Punch, Bob Foster, and me. They dragged us over to the dental chairs next to Tupper and strapped us into them.
    “I’m sorry, Tupper,” I said. “I will always love you.”
    “I guess our love was not meant to be, Funny Boy,” Tupper replied.
    “Ugh! Will you two knock it off?” said Punch. “You’re going to make me throw up.”
    Dr. Denny put on a pair of rubber gloves and went over to Tupper’s chair. He leaned it all the way back and put one of those heavy vests over Tupper’s chest. Then he took some of the dental instruments from a tray and shined a big light on her mouth.
    “OPEN WIDE,” he commanded.
    “No!” she replied.
    “HALITOSIS!” Dr. Denny ordered. “KILL FUNNY BOY!”
    “KILL!” said Halitosis excitedly.
    “Okay, okay!” Tupper yelled. She opened her mouth wide. “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh . . .”

    Dr. Denny looked inside Tupper’s mouth.
    “HMMMMM,” he said. “You have a huge cavity here.”
    “I do?” asked Tupper.
    “YES,” said Dr. Denny. “YOUR MOUTH IS A HUGE CAVITY. GINGIVITIS! HAND ME THE LONG METAL STICK WITH THE TINY MIRROR AT THE END.”
    “No!” Tupper shouted. “Leave me alone!”
    “YOU’RE NEXT,” Halitosis whispered in my ear. “THE DOCTOR WILL BE WITH YOU SHORTLY.”
    Ugh. He had bad breath. I struggled to get free, but it was no use.
    “HAND ME THE SHARP POINTY THING!” Dr. Denny commanded.
    “Stop!” screamed Tupper.
    “HAND ME THE THING THAT BLOWS AIR ON YOUR