Read Funny Boy Meets the Dumbbell Dentist from Deimos (with Dangerous Dental Decay) for Free Online Page B

WISDOM TEETH NOW.”
    “I will not shut up!” I insisted. “What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane?”
    “WHAT?”
    “Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
    “YOU ARE THE OPPOSITE OF FUNNY,” Dr. Denny said, “AND YOUR PATHETIC ATTEMPTS AT HUMOR ARE STARTING TO GET ON MY NERVES.”
    “Where do polar bears go to vote?” I asked.
    “WHERE?”
    “The North Poll.”
    “THAT’S IT!” Dr. Denny said, putting down the pliers. “I WILL PREPARE THE NOVOCAINE! HALITOSIS AND GINGIVITIS, GO WARM UP THE GIANT DRILL! IT IS TIME TO SPLIT THE EARTH IN HALF!”

    The three freaky aliens rushed over to the nearby control panel and started fiddling with a bunch of knobs and buttons.
    “Funny Boy!” Tupper whispered. “Do something!”
    “What do you want me to do?” I replied. “I told my best jokes. He didn’t even smile once.”
    “Don’t you know any dental jokes?” asked Bob Foster.
    Dental jokes! Of course! Why didn’t I think of that earlier? Dr. Denny was a dentist. He would probably find dental jokes to be really funny.
    “Yeah,” said Punch, “maybe dental jokes would work.”
    “Woodwork?” I asked. “Who said anything about woodwork?”
    “Not woodwork ,” said Punch. “ Would work. I said dental jokes would work.”
    “George Washington had wooden teeth,” I pointed out.
    “What does that have to do with anything?” asked Bob Foster impatiently.
    “Punch said woodwork!” I told him.
    “I did not!” said Punch. “I said would work.”
    I didn’t know what either of them were talking about. Dr. Denny and his malodorous assistants came back from the control panel. Desperately, I searched my memory for jokes about dentists.
    “Why did the dentist go to Venice?” I asked. “To see the root canals.”
    “HA,” said Dr. Denny.
    Well, that was a start, anyway. Maybe not a laugh, but it encouraged me.
    “Do you know what the dentist of the year wins?” I asked.
    “WHAT?”
    “A little plaque.”
    “HA HA,” said Dr. Denny.
    “I think it’s working!” whispered Bob Foster.
    “An old man tells his wife that her teeth remind him of the stars,” I said. “‘Because they twinkle and shine?’ the wife asked. ‘No,’ he said, ‘because they come out at night!’”
    “HA HA HA,” said Dr. Denny.
    “He’s laughing!” shouted Tupper.
    “I AM NOT!” said Dr. Denny.
    I didn’t care. I was like butter. Because I was on a roll.
    “When do most people go to the dentist?” I asked.
    “WHEN?”
    “Tooth-hurty.”
    “HA HA HA HA,” said Dr. Denny.
    “Where does a dentist get gas?” I asked.
    “WHERE?”
    “At a filling station.”
    Halitosis and Gingivitis were giggling now too.
    “Did you hear about the dentist who went out with a manicurist?” I asked. “They fought tooth and nail.”
    “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
    “Why did the holy man refuse novocaine?” I asked.
    “WHY?”
    “He wanted to transcend dental medication.”

    Dr. Denny and the hygienic henchmen (that would be a good name for a rock band, by the way) were doubled over in laughter now. It would be impossible for them to drill the Earth in half, because as everyone knows, you can’t laugh and commit evil deeds at the same time.
    “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE,” said Dr. Denny. “QUICK! GIVE HIM SOME GAS TO SHUT HIM UP.”
    “What kind of gas?” I asked.
    “LAUGHING GAS, OF COURSE!”
(BY THE WAY, IF YOU BELIEVE ANY OF THIS, THERE’S A BRIDGE I’D LIKE TO SELL YOU. REALLY, THERE IS. THE BRIDGE IS IN MY GRANDMOTHER’S MOUTH, BUT I’LL SELL IT TO YOU FOR FIVE DOLLARS. SHE WON’T MIND.)

CHAPTER 14

    This is the big surprise ending! Shhhhh! Don’t tell anybody what happens or you’ll ruin the surprise.
    Dr. Denny picked up a clear mask and forced it down on my face.

    “TURN ON THE GAS!” he ordered.
    “No! Stop!” I yelled, trying to fight him off.
    “Don’t let him do it, Funny Boy!” shouted Tupper.
    “HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE?” said Dr. Denny.
    As I