Read Funny Boy Meets the Dumbbell Dentist from Deimos (with Dangerous Dental Decay) for Free Online Page A

TEETH!”
    “Help!” shrieked Tupper.
    “HAND ME THAT SUCKING THING THAT IS SHAPED LIKE A QUESTION MARK!”
    “Hey, don’t those instruments have names?” I asked Dr. Denny. “I’ll bet you’re not even a real dentist. What dental school did you go to, anyway?”
    “I WENT TO THE PAINE INSTITUTE,” replied Dr. Denny. “THAT IS, PAIN WITH AN E, FOR EXTREME.”
    “No! Don’t!” Tupper shouted. “Funny Boy! Can’t you do anything to stop him?”
    “Quick, Funny Boy! Tell some of your jokes!” said Bob Foster.
    I said the first joke that came to my mind.
    “Why don’t skeletons fight each other?”
    “WHY?” asked Dr. Denny as he worked on Tupper’s teeth.
    “They don’t have the guts,” I said.
    “THAT IS HORRIBLE,” said Dr. Denny. “SPIT.”
    Tupper spit into a little bowl at the side of the armrest. Then she screamed again, when Dr. Denny forced open her mouth.
    “Why did the sheep say ‘moo’?” I asked.
    “WHY?” asked Dr. Denny.
    “It was learning a second language,” I said.
    “TOTALLY UNFUNNY,” said Dr. Denny. “HAND ME THE POKEY THING.”
    “Your jokes aren’t working!” yelled Bob Foster. “What are we going to do now?”
    “Help!” Tupper shouted. “Somebody help me!”
    Dr. Denny took all the instruments out of Tupper’s mouth.
    “I HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR YOU,” he told her. “YOU NEVER HAVE TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH AGAIN.”
    “Really?” Tupper said, cheerfully. “That’s great!”
    “YES,” Dr. Denny continued. “THE EARTH WILL BE DESTROYED TONIGHT. SO YOU NEVER HAVE TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH AGAIN.”
    “Oh no!” we all said.
    “KILL?” asked Halitosis hopefully.
    “DIE?” asked Gingivitis.

    “NOT YET, BOYS,” said Dr. Denny. “FIRST I MUST WORK ON NOT FUNNY BOY OVER HERE. OPEN WIDE . . .”
    “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”

CHAPTER 13

    We’re getting near the end now. Will Funny Boy be able to save the world?
    Dr. Denny waddled over to me. He was holding that pointy thing dentists use to scrape stuff off your teeth. I clamped my mouth shut so he couldn’t work on me.
    “HOLD HIM DOWN, BOYS!” he said to his hygienic henchmen Halitosis and Gingivitis. “NOW OPEN WIDE, UNFUNNY BOY.”
    “No!” I muttered through gritted teeth.
    “OKAY BOYS, KILL THE GIRL!” said Dr. Denny.
    “No!” screamed Tupper.
    “Okay, okay, I’ll open wide!” I yelled. “Leave her alone!”
    I opened my mouth. Dr. Denny pointed the light in my eyes and leaned his disgusting, malodorous, dripping face over me.
    “HAVE YOU BEEN FLOSSING?” he asked me. “YOU HAVE TERRIBLE HYGIENE.”
    “Terrible what ?” I asked.
    “HYGIENE.”
    “My name isn’t Gene,” I said. “I already told you, I’m Funny Boy.”
    Dr. Denny failed to appreciate the awesomeness of my hilarity. He was poking around inside my mouth with that pokey thing, and I wasn’t liking it at all. I don’t even like going to my regular dentist. Imagine what it’s like to have a dentist who is a big, sweaty alien freak who wants to crack open the Earth like a pistachio nut.
    “THIS IS GOING TO PINCH A LITTLE,” Dr. Denny said.
    “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Stop!” I begged.
    “Leave him alone!” said Bob Foster.
    “YOUR WISDOM TEETH ARE DUMB,” Dr. Denny said. “I NEED TO PULL THEM OUT.”
    “That won’t make them any smarter!” I shouted.
    “KILL?” asked Halitosis hopefully.
    “DIE?” asked Gingivitis.
    “NOT YET, BOYS,” said Dr. Denny as he picked up a tool that looked like a big pliers.
    “No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I shouted. “Leave my wisdom teeth alone!”
    “Tell some jokes, you dope!” Tupper yelled at me. “That’s your only weapon.”
    Oh yeah! The stress of having my wisdom teeth pulled out by an alien dentist had temporarily made me forget about my superpower of humor.
    “Do you want to hear two short jokes and a long joke?” I asked Dr. Denny.
    “WHATEVER.”
    “Joke. Joke. Jooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkke,” I said.
    “PLEASE SHUT UP,” said Dr. Denny. “I MUST REMOVE YOUR