enormity of that sensation and nuzzled herself deeper into Rowanâs lap.
âTheyâre both alive and healthy,â Lily said gratefully. âThey can hear me calling them, but itâs a long way. I can almost hear them, though.â
âDonât push. Try again when youâre healthier.â
âI canât believe how tired I am,â Lily said apologetically.
âGrowing a new layer of skin takes a lot of energy. Itâs best if you move as little as possible,â he said, stroking her hair.
Through hazy eyes, Lily glanced at the mug of brew sheâd just drunk, resting on her bedside table. âYou drugged me, didnât you?â she asked wryly.
She heard a rumble deep in Rowanâs chest as he laughed, but she couldnât stay awake long enough to yell at him.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
By that night, Lily realized that she didnât need to float into the Mist anymore. She wasnât in pain, but she had questions for Lillian, and as usual, when Lily wanted Lillian even in the slightest way, Lillian knew. They met each other on the raft.
Lillian?
Yes, Lily?
Why can I hear you so clearly, but I can barely hear Tristan and Caleb?
We are the same, Lily. Our bond is much deeper than any other. Thatâs why I know you are the only one who can ever understand why I outlawed science and why I enforce that law so brutally.
You said once that it all started with Rowan.
Actually, it started with Mom, but I could never blame anything on her. You understand, because your version of Samantha is just like mine was.
What happened?
I still need that promise, Lily.
I canât. I canât keep anything from him.
Do you love him?
What a small question. Iâd die for him.
But would you kill for him?
I already have. I sent my army into battle for him.
Then tell yourself that youâre doing this in order to understand me well enough that you donât make the same mistakes I did.
Very noble, but that isnât really my reason, and I canât claim that it is. I need to know because I need to know. You arenât my friend or my sisterâyou are me, arenât you, Lillian?
Finallyâyou accept it, Lily. Yes, we are the same person in different circumstances.
Thatâs why I need to know why I would hunt people down and hang them. Why I would murder Rowanâs father. Why, Lillian? Why would I do that?
Promise me that Rowan will never know.
Okay, Lillian. I promise.
This is the moment everything changed for me â¦
⦠Rowan gathers my curls up in his hands and twists them up behind my head. Weâre in my study, but both of us would rather be in bed. Itâs late and Iâm tired, but thereâs still so much to do. My technical college is facing a challenge I hadnât anticipated. I was ready to fight the Council and my Coven for as long as it took until they accepted that my school would not only admit both citizens and Outlanders, but it would also offer full scholarships to those who couldnât afford it. What I wasnât expecting was that there would be such low Outlander enrollment.
âThereâs your neck,â Rowan says, and runs his fingers down my nape. âI thought Iâd lost it under that mane forever.â
âIâm trying to work,â I plead through a breathy laugh, already turning to jelly. I look up at him. âWhy wouldnât every intelligent Outlander want to go to college for free?â I ask pathetically.
âBecause the loss of a healthy, intelligent young person is a big blow to any tribe,â Rowan says quietly, still running his fingers over my throat. âEveryone would try to talk that person out of it.â
âBut it means a better life,â I say, still looking up at him with pleading eyes.
âFor that person,â Rowan replies. âBut not for the rest of the tribe.â
I sigh and drop my head, letting him run his fingers through