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burned out? My parents always thought she’d burn out very very young.”
    I said, “I forgot to get milk.”
    I walked away from the table, but I didn’t go to the lunch line. I left the caf and went down the hall. I walked faster and faster and then I stopped pretending to myself and just plain ran.
    In the girls’ room I rushed into a stall, slid the lock closed and stood there with the tears running down my face. The sobs came. Huge racking sobs as noisy as thunder.
    No need to panic, I told myself. You can handle it. You’re still Susan Anne Hall. Plain solid sturdy Susan Hall. You have to be loyal to your sister, and you’re managing.
    The sister who would consider it a favor if I would shut up.
    The sister who didn’t want my welcome, because it was charity, and she would hate me for it.
    But also—also—the sister who years ago knelt beside me, kissing a skinned knee, murmuring, don’t cry, Susie, don’t cry, Ash will make it all better.
    Footsteps in the bathroom.
    I stopped breathing, as if I were doing something criminal and didn’t want to get caught. Halting steps. And then a halting voice. “Susan? Are you here?”
    Cindy.
    I couldn’t speak.
    â€œI know you’re there,” she said. “I can see your feet. Those are Beethoven shoes. I know because I was with you when you bought them.”
    I waved my toe at her.
    â€œOh, Susan, I’m sorry,” said Cindy, leaning invisibly on my stall door. “I didn’t mean to be rotten. I was a toad and I know it. I was hurt because you didn’t call me up last night to tell me. Everybody in school knew before I did and I’m supposed to be your best friend. I’m sorry, Susan.”
    â€œIf you’d stop blocking the door I could come out,” I said.
    We stood giggling, sniffing back tears, and I came out and we hugged. “Oh, Cindy, it was so awful. You should have heard the things Ashley said to my mother.”
    Cindy patted my back, like burping a baby. “Do you remember how bitter my sister Elaine was when she didn’t make cheerleading captain?”
    Elaine had been a stupid jerk who didn’t deserve to make peanut butter, let alone cheerleading captain.
    â€œElaine was so rotten to us my father wanted her to apply for early admission to college so she’d leave home a year ahead of time. And that was only a high school cheerleading squad! Whereas Ash told the entire state of Connecticut she was going to succeed. And she didn’t. You have to expect her to be bitter, Susan. You have to be nice to her. Eventually she’ll calm down. Elaine did. I even like Elaine, now and then, sometimes on her good days, for a few minutes.”
    We giggled.
    â€œThat was sweet of Whit to help you,” said Cindy. “I’ve always liked Whit.”
    â€œWhy?”
    â€œI think he has potential.”
    â€œAs what? A hit man?”
    Cindy giggled. “First of all, he’s unbelievably cute.”
    â€œWhit?”
    â€œForget that he scares you. Take a look at his profile and his bod.”
    â€œYou’ve given this a lot of thought,” I told her.
    Cindy shrugged. “I give all persons of the male persuasion a lot of thought. Now don’t worry about Ashley so much, okay? It’ll work out.”
    She was thinking of Elaine. But Elaine just wanted to be cheerleading captain so the boys would go after her more. Ashley wanted twenty thousand screaming fans to watch her walk onto a stage. It’s not the same league and the bitterness would not be the same level. “I guess you’re right,” I said, because Cindy was my friend.
    â€œOf course I am. You’ll see. After all, you two have the same genes. She can’t be that bad.”

Five
    O NE MORE CLASS TO go and I’d be released from school.
    Like the end of a prison sentence.
    I slid into Brit lit.
    Anthony slid into the seat next to me.
    If the