A Dream to Call My Own

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Book: Read A Dream to Call My Own for Free Online
Authors: Tracie Peterson
Tags: FIC042030
Beth said. “An act of God.”

CHAPTER FOUR
    Hank finished buttoning his starched white shirt just as Julianne began to cry. He peered into the cradle and marveled once again that God had done such an incredible work. The baby seemed oblivious to his presence. Her tiny eyes were squinted closed and face reddened from her effort to get attention. Even so, he thought her the most beautiful creation in the world. It humbled him greatly to know he’d had even the smallest part to do with her existence.
    Gwen stretched in bed. “Would you bring her to me? She’s hungry, no doubt.”
    Looking at the small squirming bundle and then to his wife, Hank smiled. “She’s demanding, that’s for sure. I heard her cry several times last night.”
    “I think she’s absolutely perfect.”
    Baby Julianne began to cry all the more. Hank reached down and drew her into his arms. She hardly weighed anything at all. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d ever held such a tiny infant.
    The baby began to nuzzle against him, and Hank laughed. “Sorry, little one, but I can’t do you any good.” He looked up at Gwen. “But I know who can.”
    Hank took a step to cross to the bed and caught his boot on the rocker of the cradle. In the flash of a moment, he clutched Julianne tight to his chest while he fell to one knee.
    Gwen gasped and threw back the covers as if to come to their rescue. “Are you all right?”
    “I’m fine,” Hank said in disgust. He got to his feet and handed her the baby. “She’s fine, too.”
    “What happened?” Gwen took the crying baby and immediately put Julianne to her breast to calm her.
    His temper got the best of him. “What do you suppose? I tripped.”
    Hank felt stupid. He could have fallen on the child and killed her. “I shouldn’t even have picked her up.” He crossed the room and got his coat. “From now on, I won’t.”
    “Oh, Hank, it was an accident.”
    He looked at his wife. Despite her hair mussed from sleep, she had never been more beautiful. Hank calmed just a bit. “Sometimes I feel like I’m really failing you, Gwen.”
    “But why?”
    He shook his head. “I can’t explain it.”
    Gwen’s expression softened. “Please try. Come sit with me.”
    With a sigh, Hank put his coat aside. He came to the bed and sat down beside her. Gwen reached out her hand. “Tell me what’s bothering you, Hank.”
    “I just feel ill-equipped to do what needs to be done. I thought I’d done a good thing by buying Mr. Vanhouten’s land, but now with things going as they are, I don’t think it was a good investment. If we wanted to start ranching it would be different, but I know even less about that than about running a frontier mercantile. Business at the store goes well enough, but not as smoothly as I would like. Now this. If I’d harmed her . . .” His voice trailed off.
    Gwen squeezed his hand. “You are a good man, Hank. And you will be a great father.”
    “But there’s so much I don’t know. Montana, fatherhood, even being a Christian. I feel like I completely make a mess of things on a daily basis.”
    Nodding, Gwen reached up to touch his face. Their eyes met. “Everyone feels like that from time to time. I’m terrified of motherhood, yet I want it more than anything. Julianne means more to me than I can say, but I worry that I, too, will do something to harm her. And if that happened, I don’t think I could live with myself.”
    Hank shook his head. “You mustn’t say such things. You are going to be a wonderful mother.” He drew a deep breath. “I’m sorry I sounded harsh. I was angry at myself—not you.”
    She smiled. “I know. But, Hank, even if something had happened to cause her harm, I wouldn’t blame you. Julianne is in God’s hands. We have to believe that. Children die all the time. I can scarcely bear to think of it, but they do. Throughout my pregnancy, I thought of such things, and Patience was good to help calm me. Even when I was delivering

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