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sense?”
    “Yes.” Karma had done her share of bargaining
after Mark’s departure.
    “Some people get stuck in the bargaining
phase, mistaking fate for loss. They look for signs, which serves
only to keep them rooted in place instead of moving forward. People
stuck in bargaining often become angry or depressed. Sometimes
both.” She paused for a breath. “The other thing that can happen is
that the person becomes intensely remorseful or guilty, which
prevents healthy healing. In my experience, I’ve found that people
who get stuck in the bargaining phase feel they’ve made a mistake
or enabled the loss to occur, and oftentimes they feel as if their
head is warring with their heart. Rationally, they understand the
loss, but emotionally, they resist accepting it.”
    “I don’t want to get stuck. I want to accept
that he’s gone and move on.” Mark wasn’t coming back. She needed to
work through her emotions and let go.
    Jan winked and smiled. “Don’t worry. I’ll
help you.” She clasped her hands in her lap. “So, how many of the
five phases would you say you’ve been through since Mark left?”
    “Obviously, depression.” Karma’s sadness had
been what led her to Jan in the first place.
    Jan offered a benign smile. “Obviously.”
    “Bargaining. I’ve definitely had a lot of if only thoughts.” Whether or not she was stuck there,
though, she wasn’t sure, but she didn’t think so.
    “Okay.” Jan picked up her iPad and made a
note. “What else? Do you think you went through denial?”
    Karma thought for a moment then shook her
head. “No, not that I can think of.”
    “Any anger?”
    She recalled blaming Mark and being mad at
him for driving away without even trying to fight for what they
had.
    “Yes.” Karma hadn’t been excessively angry,
but there were times if Mark had been standing in front of her, she
would have slapped him.
    Jan made another quick note then placed her
tablet in her lap. “So it sounds like you’re working through the
five phases pretty well.” She smiled and lifted her hand off her
lap. “You might be a bit stalled in the depression phase—not stuck,
but stalled—but that’s pretty normal, especially for women. I’ve
noticed that men tend to get stuck more often in anger or
bargaining.” She smiled as if amused. “I think it’s a control
thing.”
    This made Karma smile. “I can see that.”
    Jan’s expression softened. “So, now we just
have to work you through your sadness and help you move toward
acceptance. Just remember that you can’t force yourself to move on.
That’s why I said you need to breathe through the sadness and
experience it. You need to pay attention to your feelings and let
them teach you what they need to teach you.”
    “Does this mean I’ll move into denial
next?”
    “Maybe. But more than likely, if you haven’t
experienced denial by now, you probably won’t. Denial usually comes
pretty soon after the loss, if not immediately after.”
    Karma remembered the way she’d reacted when
her phone rang the evening after Mark’s departure. She’d thought
for sure it was Mark only to be disappointed when it was her
friend, Lisa. Maybe she’d been in denial up to that point, hoping
he would come back. But when she saw Lisa’s name on her caller ID,
all hope evaporated, and denial with it.
    “You know, I think I did go through denial.
For a few hours after he left, at least. But then I realized he
wasn’t coming back.”
    Jan made a note on her iPad. “Good. Then we
just need to work through these last lingering feelings to find
acceptance.”
    She made it sound so easy.
    “And you’ll help me?”
    “Yes. That’s what I’m here for, and it’s why
I asked you to start a blog. Writing your feelings will help.” She
paused. “I read it over the weekend. Your blog, I mean. Excellent
stuff, Karma. Very evocative. I’m curious, though, why you named it Chocolate Chunk Brownies .”
    Karma knew Jan would ask, and she felt