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just happened to be the one she’d
fallen in love with. The good news was at least now she could check this first off her list so she never had to deal with it
again. Next time, breaking up wouldn’t be so hard. But this time?
Yeah, this time sucked.
    But the misery blistering her soul was caused
by more than just losing him. With Mark, she had found herself.
Really found herself. He had helped her uncover the woman
she’d always wanted to be but had been too afraid of, right down to
her sexuality. Talk about bringing someone out of her shell. Not
only had Mark pulled her from the shell, but out of the ocean, up
the beach, and deep into the mainland.
    He’d been more than just a simple first. In
four months, he had revolutionized her existence. No wonder she was
so messed up without him there to guide her.
    Without him, she couldn’t stop herself from
dragging her withered body back toward the only safety net she’d
ever known: the shell she’d spent over a decade in. The mainland
was too much for her to handle alone. The childhood taunts crept
back in. Her fledgling confidence, which had flourished under
Mark’s tutelage, faltered. Getting back to the ocean and into her
shell seemed the only way she would feel safe again.
    And, damn it, that pissed her off.
    She didn’t want to lose the woman she had
become. She liked who she’d been with Mark. Somehow, she had to
find a way to recapture that woman on her own.
    That was why she was in Jan’s office now. As
much as she still loved Mark, it was time to stand on her own. But
she needed help to learn how. Jan could guide her back to the
mainland and help her put Mark behind her.
    “Are you okay to continue?” Jan said when
Karma finally regained her composure.
    She nodded and wiped under her eyes. “Yes, I
think so.”
    Jan relaxed into her chair. “Be patient with
yourself, Karma. This is only our fifth appointment. You’re not
going to get over him just like that.” She snapped her fingers. “It
takes time. Breathe through your sadness. Fully experience it.
That’s the only way you’ll be able to understand it, learn from it,
and eventually move on.”
    With her dad and her friends telling her to
forget Mark, she had begun to think there was something wrong with
her for continuing to think about him. That maybe she was defective
since she couldn’t just stop loving him and get on with the next
big thing. Now, here came Jan, who wanted her to revel in her
sorrow. Well, maybe not revel, but at least not discount it. Not
just toss her sadness away like threadbare socks that no longer
served a purpose. Jan was giving her permission to hurt and feel
the pain losing Mark inflicted.
    “Have you heard about the five stages of
loss?” Jan set down her iPad.
    Karma shrugged. “No.”
    “Many relate the five stages of loss to the
death of a loved one, but they can apply to any loss. Especially
the loss of a relationship.” Jan uncrossed her legs and sat
forward. “The five stages are denial and isolation, anger,
depression, bargaining, and acceptance.” She ticked them off on her
fingers. “The theory is, when we experience loss, we go through all
five phases in one way or another, and everyone goes through them
differently. Sometimes, the first emotion we feel is anger or
depression. Sometimes it’s bargaining.”
    “What’s bargaining mean?”
    Jan sat back and recrossed her legs.
“Thoughts such as, ‘if only he’d done this,’ ‘if only I had one
more chance.’ That sort of thing. Sometimes, a person might try to
make a deal with God or turn things over to the universe: ‘Please,
God. If you give me another chance, I’ll do such and such.’ There’s
a lot of negotiating with a higher power you perceive has control
over the situation, as if it’s not you controlling your
destiny but someone or something else. People make promises to God
in return for Him to take things back to how they were before the
loss occurred. Does that make