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through his
mind.
    But his patience was waning. Sooner or later,
he would reach a breaking point, and when that happened, all bets
were off, despite Razor’s words of wisdom.
    The elevator doors opened, and a renewed
sense of frustration fueled his steps as he marched to his
apartment like a Navy SEAL about to open a can of whoop-ass on a
terrorist encampment.
    He unlocked his door, stalked inside, yanked
off his tie, and whipped it onto the couch as he disappeared into
the hall. Entering his bedroom, he wrangled off his jacket and
flung it onto the bed as if it were a rock he couldn’t throw hard
enough.
    All the aggression felt good. Like he was
actually doing something for a change instead of sitting around on
his ass like a useless lump. He unfastened the top buttons of his
shirt as he stormed into the bathroom and flipped on the
faucet.
    “Fuck!” He cupped his hands under the cold,
running water then splashed it on his face before lifting his gaze
to the man in the mirror. A tormented ghost glared back from the
reflection, a stream of water drizzling off his chin.
    He didn’t want to rush things, but the
universe needed to get off its ass and start working on that sign
he’d asked for, because his patience was running out.

 
    Chapter 4
    January 9
     
    Karma sat on the couch across from Jan in her
office, which felt more like a cozy living room than a clinical
setting. Maybe that was the point, because it was a lot easier to
relax in a home than in a sterile white room.
    “How was your Christmas?” Jan said, situating
her iPad on her lap.
    “Difficult.”
    Jan’s eyebrows ticked inward. “How so?”
    Karma struggled to put her feelings into
words. “I don’t know. I just felt…” Sad. Angry. Miserable. So in
love it hurts to breathe, to get up, to move, to even think. All I
wanted was to see him again. Talk to him. Hear his voice. Touch
him. Slap him. Scream at him for leaving me alone.
    “Karma…?”
    Tears sprung to her eyes. She tried to blink
them away. “I thought a lot about Mark on Christmas.” She sniffled
and grabbed a tissue from the end table. “Everything seems to be
getting worse instead of better.”
    The weeks of rehashing her relationship with
Mark during these sessions, as well as writing about him in her
blog, were mounting an offensive strike on her emotions that felt
like an invasion. It didn’t help that the self-doubting voices
she’d endured since being bullied as a child had started whispering
in her head again.
    She’d been a fool to think that four blissful
months with Mark would be enough to eradicate a lifetime of
torment.
    She turned pleading eyes on Jan. “Shouldn’t I
be getting better by now? I mean, we were only together four
months. How could only four months hurt this much?”
    Jan sat forward and spoke softly. “Because
you loved him, Karma. And first loves are always the hardest to get
over. Some people never get over them.”
    “But…but…” Karma finally gave in and let
herself cry.
    She just wanted her life to go back to
normal. Problem was, she no longer knew what normal meant. After
spending a glorious summer with Mark, he’d redefined what normal
was.
    For example, was this normal? All this
heartbreak and sadness? Karma had never had a boyfriend before
Mark, so she had nothing to compare to. All she knew was that the
day Mark left, a whole lot of emptiness had invaded her life.
    Maybe what Jan said about first loves was
reason to hope, though. If first loves were the hardest to get
over, maybe all this pain and misery was normal. Wasn’t it
true that the first time for anything was the hardest? The first
kiss. The first time riding a bicycle without training wheels.
Losing your virginity.
    So maybe all this pain wasn’t so much a
normal reaction to losing a man she loved but a result of
experiencing her first loss of love. The sorrow and despair
were amplified not because it was Mark, but because she’d fallen in
love for the first time. Mark