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the house, it makes me feel guilty.  We walk into the kitchen and he pulls out a chair for me to sit on. 
    “Do you have a first aid kit?”
    “Yes, I actually have a full ER room just down the hall.  Do I look like I would have a first aid kit?”
    “You’re funny, you know that?”  He kneels in front of me to assess the damage. Before I realize what his plans are, I feel his hand move up my thigh as he starts gently pulling down my stocking.  The chill from the kitchen along with his feather-like touch make me shiver and little goose bumps become visible all over the naked skin. I watch him go to the sink and wet a towel then return to his kneeling position. I think I like him on his knees. What the hell?  Where did that come from?  Bad Jennifer, bad.   He cleans my leg gently, removing the dry blood, all the while blowing air into the affected area.  My mom hands him a band-aid which he places over the cut and follows it with a kiss.  I’m too stunned to speak. Lily giggles at the scene unfolding before her eyes. 
    “There.  Good as new.”  If I wasn’t sitting, his smile would have the power to get me to my knees.  I wonder if he knows the effect his touch has on me.  I look at his hand still pressed against my thigh then back into his dark eyes.  “Ok.  I guess I better go.  Thank you Kate, as always it was a pleasure talking to you.  Jenny.”  Before he walks away, he leans close to my ear, only a breath away and whispers, “You’re still alive in there Jenny.  I think we both felt it.” I’m still in shock, unable to say anything, so I just watch him hold his daughter’s hand and walk away.  My mom follows him to the door, and I can hear them talking but not clear enough to understand what they are saying.  I’m sure he’s probably thinking what I freak I am.  After all, each time we meet, I managed to make a fool of myself. 
    I look down at the band-aid and still feel the heat from his fingers.  It’s been over five years since I had anyone touch me, especially a man. 
    “What a pleasant young man.  And handsome, too.”
    “Mom, please don’t bring him here ever again.”
    “Now, honey-”
    “No, Mom.  I don’t want him in my house, in my driveway, anywhere near me.”
    “Why Jennifer?  Give me one good reason.  He’s good for you.  He’s exactly what you need.”
    “ Arhh, I’m not having this conversation with you.  It’s my house.  The house Sam got for me.”
    “Are you hearing yourself?  Sam is gone, baby.  He didn’t buy this house. God help me, when will this get better for you?”  She’s crying, big fat tears, the kind that make me feel guilty and like the piece of shit that I am. 
    “I don’t have a reason, Mom.” I wrap my arms around her small shoulders and hold her close to me.
    “I can’t do this anymore.  You’re my little girl, and I refuse to watch you waste your life locked away from the world.  You need to start living, baby.”
    “I don’t know how, Mom.  I’m so sorry, OK?  I promise I’ll try harder.  I promise, Mom, just don’t cry anymore.”  She pulls away from me, her pain visible all over her lovely face, and it’s all my doing. 
    No matter what I say to her right now it won’t make any difference.  The damage has been done.  As I lay against the door on the cool floor, I finally break down.  The tears do nothing to my shattered heart.  God, Sam, why didn’t you take me with you? How could you be so selfish and leave me when I needed you the most?
    That night, as I lay alone in my big cold bed, I think of everything that’s been happening to me.  All I know is that I have to find a way to snap out of it before I end up losing my mom too.  She can’t take it anymore and I can’t blame her.  The new pills prescribed by Dr. Collins are waiting for me on top of the dresser, begging me to take them.  They are the answer to everything. 
    “I’m sorry Sam, but I think it’s time to let you