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it’d be pathetic.”
    Shlomo switched off the light. He closed his eyes and thought of Candy Cantaloupes. And Mrs. Malinowitz. And the blond porn star car driver
    He topped off his afterlife pot of boiling semen and fell asleep.

Holocaust Tips for Kids
    [Parents: Next Tuesday we will be commemorating Holocaust Remembrance Day with an all-day program of films and lectures for students in grades 4-8, much of which will be graphic and potentially disturbing. Please sign and return this permission slip so that your child may attend. Thank you.]
    I F the Nazis come in the middle of the night and try to take me away to a concentration camp, these are the things I plan to take with me: some food, my allowance money, a sleeping bag, my Walkman, a toothbrush, a knife from the kitchen, my nunchucks, some Ninja throwing stars, a flashlight and my comic books.
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    Holocaust means “burned up.”
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    Kristallnacht means “The Night of Broken Glass.”
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    On November 10, 1938, the Nazis broke the Jews’ store windows and burned down the shuls. That’s why it’s called “The Night of Broken Glass.”
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    If ever there’s a Night of Broken Glass where you live, leave.
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    In the movie Holocaust , the Weisses waited too long after Kristallnacht to leave. Then they all died, except for their son Rudy. Their other son Karl was sent to Buchenwald.
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    Buchenwald was one of the largest concentration camps in Germany. It was opened in 1937.
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    â€œIf you are at lunch, or if you have no appetite to hear what the Germans have done, now is a good time to switch off the radio, for I propose to tell you of Buchenwald.”
    â€”CBS news, seven years later, in 1945
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    The character of Karl Weiss was played by James Woods, who also played one of the Israeli Air Force pilots in the movie Raid on Entebbe . In that movie his name was Captain Sammy Berg.
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    John Saxon was also a pilot in Raid on Entebbe . He has a Black Belt in karate. He was in Enter the Dragon .
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    I’ll leave right after the next Kristallnacht, and I’ll take Deena with me. Her parents won’t want her to leave, but if we want to live, we’ll have to go right away. There will be no time to waste. We can walk to the highway and hitchhike from there. It’s not that far. Maybe Kevin’s mom will give us a ride.
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    We’ll probably go to Florida and stay in the Fontainebleau Hotel in Miami. Deena goes there every January with her family. They have a tennis court and a pool.
    Florida is 1,330 miles from New York. You need to get to a highway called I-95 South. From there it’s a straight drive all the way to Miami.
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    Kevin isn’t Jewish. In the summer, we ride bicycles together. My mother says his mother is a no-good anti-Semite.
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    In 1934 , The New York Times described the news that Nazis planned to massacre the Jews as “wild rumors.”
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    Nazis always come in through the front door. They knock loudly. “Shnell!” they shout. That means “quick” in German. Then one of them will kick the door in with his boot. Nazis always wear shiny boots.

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    When Rabbi Akiva was being tortured to death by the Romans, his students saw him saying the Shema with joy, oblivious to the pain he was enduring. “How can you be saying Shema with joy,” asked his students, “oblivious to the pain you are enduring?” Rabbi Akiva said he was happy to be able to obey God with all his life.
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    There are three ways out of my house other than the front door, depending on where you are when the Nazis break in:
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The back door, which leads to the backyard.
The door in the living room, which leads onto the deck.
The fire escape ladder beside my bedroom window.
(Note: My bedroom window faces the front of the house, so make sure all the Nazis have already gone into the house before going down the ladder or they’ll see you.)
    The best