Average American Male

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Book: Read Average American Male for Free Online
Authors: Chad Kultgen
points at his name badge. “I am the manager.” He laughs.
    “Right. So when is she supposed to work next?”
    “Are you a family member?”
    “No, I’m—a friend.”
    “Then I’m afraid I can’t tell you.”
    “Why not?”
    He points to his name badge again. “Like I said, I am the manager, and as the manager I have a duty to my employees. I can’t just go around giving out their personal information to every stranger who asks for it, now can I?” He laughs again.
    “It’s not personal information.”
    “I’m sorry, I can’t help you.”
    “Well, can I leave a message for her?”
    He thinks about it. “I suppose that would be all right.”
    “Do you have a piece of paper?”
    He gives me a promotional flyer for Justin Timberlake’s new record.
    “And a pen?”
    He gives me one.
    I write down something short, and put my phone number next to it. I fold it up, write Alyna’s name on the outside, and hand it back to Stevie.
    He unfolds it and starts reading it out loud. “Alyna, I bought the Tori Amos record from you a few days ago. We kind of had a conversation about it. I was wondering if you might want to get dinner sometime. Call me.”
    Stevie looks at me, then rips the paper in half and tosses it in the trash.
    “What’re you doing?”
    “You said you were her friend, which is clearly not the case. I try to create a safe and comfortable work environment here and I will not have my employees harassed during the course of their workday.”
    “Are you kidding?”
    “Sir, if you do not wish to make a purchase, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave my store.”
    “It’s not your store, Stevie.”
    I leave without incident, pissed.
    I slip back into the Gap just in time to wait for another thirty minutes before Casey comes out of the dressing room and buys a sweater with her new Gap card.
    As we walk out of the Gap, Casey says, “Hey, let’s go in that music store. My No Doubt CD got stuck in Jen’s CD player and she scratched it trying to get it out. I need a new one.”
    “You go ahead. I’ll be next door looking at video games.”
    I browse the used section while I’m positive Stevie is next door drooling over my girlfriend’s tits and taking way too long to help her find her No Doubt CD.
    That night as Casey and I are in the sixty-nine and I’m staring into her asshole, I wonder if Alyna will be working at the record store tomorrow. I wonder if my ripped-up note will still be in the trash can by the front desk. I wonder if she might see her name on it and pull it out. I wonder if she’d even remember who I was anyway.

some chapter
    Scarface Part 1
    I’m sitting in a bar called Goldfinger after getting a phone call from Todd promising me that at least three hot bitches he knows from college who are all horny and drunk will be there. After my third beer and Todd’s sixth assurance that they must be on their way, I’m pretty sure there might never have been any hot bitches, and I’m positive if they do exist they’re not showing up here tonight.
    I get up to go get another drink, and when I come back Todd has somehow managed to fill our booth with not the promised three hot bitches, but four average-looking bitches. I conclude that these are not the girls he was originally talking about, but I don’t really care. I sit down and learn the following:
    The taller bitch with reddish hair is named Leslie Leonard and she’s visiting from Virginia. Two of the brunettes’ names make no impression on me and I don’t remember them even as they tell me, but I do latch on to the fact that they’re sisters and Leslie is their cousin.
    The third brunette is Asian and semi-hot from what I can see, until the candle flicker at our table bounces off a nasty fucking hairlip. I think she gives her name as Amy, but I immediately give her the name Scarface in my head.
    After they’re done telling us whatever their stories are, Scarface says with a lisp that isn’t altogether

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