Read Average American Male for Free Online Page B

says, “You would?”
    Fag 2 says, “Of course. But he’s so expensive, are you sure you want to get him?”
    Fag 1 looks at the price on his cage. He says, “Thirteen hundred.
    That’s not too expensive for me.”
    Fag 2 says, “Ooh, you’re so naughty.”
    Then Fag 1 slaps Fag 2 on the ass and says, “You know it.”
    Carlos nudges me and says, “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
    As we leave the pet store and head to EB Games, Carlos says, “I fucking hate fags who’re like that.”
    “Like what?”
    “You know, all flaunting their money and their asses in public. I mean, please, who wants to hear that you can waste thirteen hundred dollars on a fucking dog? And who doesn’t know that all homos have money because we have no women or children to suck us dry? And once you get out of college, who still slaps another guy on the ass? I need a fucking straight man who’s willing to just let me suck his dick and who’ll fuck me in the ass every once in a while without all the bullshit.”
    He bats his eyelashes at me.
    “As much as I like blow jobs, I only like ’em when they come with tits.”
    “I’m not against implants.”
    He laughs at his own joke as we walk into EB Games.
    I walk to the back of the store and look through their rummage bin, which is usually filled with old Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo games.
    I’ve been looking for a game called Super Populous since the eighth grade. In the game you play a god who controls a population of people. The computer plays a rival god controlling its own population. The object of each level is to raise your population to such a large number that it completely destroys the opposing god’s population. Each level takes roughly forty-five minutes to an hour to beat.
    There are 999 levels. After its release in 1990, it was rated the worst game of the year by several gaming magazines. One even rated it the worst game ever made. As a result, no store carried it for more than a month after it was released. So I had resigned myself to renting it from the only video store in town that carried it in the hopes of one day beating it.
    Over the course of several rentals, I had progressed to the eighty-seventh level. One weekend while trying to rent it again, I was notified that it had not been returned and was thought to be stolen.
    Since that day I’ve looked in any and every used game section I’ve come across. I’ve looked on eBay, I’ve looked at garage sales, I’ve even flipped through the classified ads every once in a while in the hopes of finding a video game collection for sale. Now, in the upper left part of the bin, right on top of the pile in this particular EB Games, is Super Populous for $2.99.
    I’m almost catatonic with disbelief. A quest that has consumed multiple years of my life has finally and unexpectedly ended.
    “How’s that Tori Amos CD?”
    Alyna Janson is standing in front of me holding a DS Lite.
    “I actually haven’t listened to it yet.”
    “I thought you were a big Tori fan.”
    “Not that big.”
    She looks at Super Populous in my hand. She says, “What’s that?”
    “Super Populous.”
    She doesn’t know what it is or that my holding it means the end of a fifteen-year search.
    I say, “Do you want to get dinner with me sometime?”
    “Sure.”
    She takes a pen and paper out of her purse, writes down her number, and hands it to me. She says, “Here’s my number, give me a call and we can hash out the details.”
    I take her number, put it in my back pocket, and say, “Okay.”
    She walks up to the counter to buy the DS Lite. I assume she’s buying it for a brother or friend. She’s wearing a pair of tight jeans that make her ass look slightly better than I remembered it. I pretend to look through the used game bin some more so I don’t have to make eye contact with her again and possibly start up a clumsy and unnecessary conversation after just having successfully asked her on a date.
    Carlos comes over to me and