intellectual abilities. If those abilities are not recognized, it can leave a person with AS feeling unfulfilled, unutilized, unappreciated, and resentful.
What the employee can do:
Curb your urge to inform unless you are being asked for advice or information. No one likes a know-it-all. There are some jobs where it is more favorable and appropriate to impart or exchange ideas and information, and some that aren’t (e.g., a research dept. vs. Mighty Maids). While some with AS end up in more mundane positions because of difficulty keeping jobs or getting degrees, they should bear in mind that they will not be intellectually stimulated in these environments and that their unique intelligence may not be prized in these positions. (See the chapter on education .)
The quickest way to get your point across (to non-spectrum people) is not always to say it directly. It is sometimes more expedient to be indirect, or gentle. I have a visual metaphor that I find effective. If you shoot your words like an arrow (directness) at their recipient, that person will likely recoil from them. If you gift wrap your words (tact), the recipient will be more likely to want to accept your package (the point you want to make) and take it in.
Bluntness may also, at times, be used intentionally as a way to burn bridges. If you have AS, take a moment to look back over your life and remember times when you said something blunt to someone just to get rid of them. It probably worked. How many friends do you have now? Do you want more? Do you want people to like you? If so, try to curb this tendency. Temper it with compassion. I would never ask you to tell a white lie, but the next time someone shows you pics of their new baby, think carefully before telling them that she looks exactly like Yoda.
Curb the tendency to be arrogant. Many of the people I spoke to for this book admitted that they can be a bit arrogant. This can rub others the wrong way.
Understand that you may have superior intelligence of one type but possibly not another. While Aspergian Pride is a great thing, feeling superior to NTs (neurotypical or non-autistic people) can be divisive.
Look back on your history. See where taking others’ ideas into consideration might have advanced your own life, and how not doing so may have caused you setbacks.
To employers and advocates:
Your AS employee may possess a greater capacity for a type of intellectual reasoning and problem-solving than others. Use it! You have a great resource on your hands.
Don’t say they complain too much or shut out their idea because it was put across in a blunt, tactless manner. Listen to what they say, not how they say it.
Rather than being offended and defensive, hear them out. Ask them what they would do about a situation and they will brighten up at being taken seriously rather than being dismissed. If they do have a good point, acknowledge it.
Do not let their unpopularity sway you into dismissing their good ideas.
Practice tact in all your interactions with people until it becomes easier.
Notice what sort of results you get from your efforts.
CHAPTER 5
Blunders, Boundaries, and Emotional Detachment
T he blunder, usually caused by bluntness (but not always), is an Aspergian specialty and part of the reason why socializing is avoided by many. They often just don’t know what to say and end up saying the wrong thing:
“Since I have trouble reading facial expressions and sarcasm, I have difficulty discerning people’s contempt for my choice of words.”
- HUMPHREY, UNEMPLOYED, BS
“There are some people who respect what I do for the school and serve as mentors. They inform me of potential political blunders I may be about to make and are ready to help bail me out if Iget into trouble. It is often difficult for me to read the political wind of things.”
- STEPHEN SHORE, PRESIDENT OF THE ASPERGER’S ASSOCIATION OF NEW ENGLAND, FROM “SURVIVAL IN THE WORKPLACE” (2008)
“Office