Asperger's on the Job: Must-Have Advice for People With Asperger's or High Functioning Autism, and Their Employers, Educators, and Advocates

Read Asperger's on the Job: Must-Have Advice for People With Asperger's or High Functioning Autism, and Their Employers, Educators, and Advocates for Free Online Page A

Book: Read Asperger's on the Job: Must-Have Advice for People With Asperger's or High Functioning Autism, and Their Employers, Educators, and Advocates for Free Online
Authors: Rudy Simone
Tags: Asperger&rsquo
politics is all about subtlety. I have little problem noticing that it goes on and I can grasp the details of what is going on, but I’m not equipped to play the game, so I get hurt by the outcomes.”
    - MIKE, LAW DEGREE, SECRETARY
    Just as in personal relationships, professional boundaries can be confusing. Some with AS have a hard time learning what is and isn’t appropriate to discuss with their coworkers. Saying the “wrong thing” results in the AS person being misunderstood. Being misunderstood seems to be a common torture for all of us. Another problem with the literal nature of our understanding is not seeing the various possible interpretations of what we say:
“My co-worker had a bowl of nuts on his desk. I strolled up in a dead quiet office and shouted out, “I would love to eat your nuts! Your nuts look so good!” I still have trouble with drawing lines regarding appropriate topics of conversation until after the fact, and will take the whole conversation over.”
    - MIA
    Because we consider ourselves genuine people and value genuine-ness, we think we should be liked and respected. We believe promotions should be based upon our integrity, not our popularity:
“I despise brown nosing and refuse to lower myself to it. I will not use people as doors to get somewhere. I always want to believe that I have earned what I have and didn’t sacrifice or compromise integrity to get somewhere.”
    - SCOTT
    A person with Asperger’s Syndrome will often say or do what is logical rather than what is socially and emotionally expected of them. If a person is emotionally detached at a time when a more compassionate, emotion-driven response is called for, it can get them a reputation as a cold fish. An emotional situation would take the AS person into territory where they cannot control or predict the outcome, and many (particularly males, since it is something of a male reaction anyway) will avoid emotional demonstrations or reciprocations of any sort.
    Mix: one logical approach to life, one aversion to emotional situations, and add a dash of difficulty expressing yourself; put it in the world to bake for a few years and out comes Mr. Spock.
    Yet people with AS can be incredibly compassionate and kind and AS does not preclude empathy (Hesman-Saey 2008). They will open doors for the elderly, give change to the homeless, rescue wounded animals, give aid to a friend in need. But there are times, when:
     
Empathy pathways are bypassed, due to a high level of stress or anxiety or feeling “attacked.” If there is any sort of drama going on and the AS person feels like they are being accused or implicated, they may become defensive, angry, or shut down. They might not find the right words, go silent, or stutter if upset.
They feel empathy but don’t know how to go about expressing it. This is called alexythimia. It means difficulty identifying and describing emotions, both your own and others’ (Wikipedia 2008). It is a common component of AS. Reaching out to a person with alexythimia can make for some awkward moments. For example, you may be telling them about something awful that happened to you and they will point out something worse that happened to somebody else. It sounds as if they have no sympathy for you. In reality they are trying to make you feel better but are going about it rather clumsily.
The situation is something they’ve never experienced first-hand, so they truly do not know what it feels like and cannot imagine. This is a problem of “theory of mind”—not fully realizing that others have feelings and thoughts different than your own. If a person with AS has never experienced the death of a loved one, for example, they may really have no idea how that feels and may not be the person to turn to for soft words and kind gestures.
     

What the employee can do:
     
Have a sense of humor ... and humility. It will make getting past the blunder a whole lot smoother. A person with AS who says something

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