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don’t know, man, I might just fade into Bolivian, you know what I mean?’
    Boxer Mike Tyson, speaking to reporters

    ‘We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile.’
    George W. Bush

    ‘This series has been swings and pendulums all the way through.’
     Trevor Bailey, British cricket commentator

    ‘He’s going up and down like a metronome.’
    Ron Pickering, BBC sports commentator

    ‘Marie Scott …has really plummeted to the top.’
     Alan Weeks, British sports commentator

    ‘They have miscalculated me as a leader.’
    George W. Bush

    ‘Kerry is a lifeguard in her local swimming pool …she says weekends are the worst – lots of jumping in and bumming all over the place.’

    Newsreader Dominic Byrne on BBC Radio 1’s The Chris Moyle’s Show

Spoonerisms
    Spoonerism: n. Also, spoonerisms (plural): ‘A verbal error in which a speaker accidentally transposes the initial sounds or letters of two or more words, often to humorous effect.’ For example:

    ‘Stifford Crapps’
    Radio announcer McDonald Hobley, introducing the British politician Sir Stafford Cripps
    ‘A shining wit.’
    Comedian Barry Cryer on fellow broadcaster Clive Anderson, on BBC Radio 4’s I’m Sorry, I Haven’t a Clue

    ‘Rictoria Vagina.’
    The Antique Roadshow ’s ceramic expert David Battie, trying to describe a piece of Victoria Regina porcelain
    ‘Masif Asood.’

    Cricket commentator John Arlott on the Pakistani fast bowler Asif Masood

    ‘The next voice you’ll hear will be that of our president, Hoobert Heever.’
    Radio announcer Harry von Zell, commemorating the anniversary of President Herbert Hoover’s birth

Sporting Chance
    Straight off the pitch with adrenaline pumping round their bodies, you could forgive sportsmen for committing the odd swearing-related gaffe – especially if they’re faced with nosy journalists armed with a barrage of questions.

Quick off the mark
    The bleepers weren’t quick enough to mask the naughty language uttered by the following sportsmen.
    ‘I’ll have fucking sex tonight.’
    An overexcited Peter Casey after a triumphant win at the horse races

    Interviewer:  ‘You’ve achieved other things in your career. How does this compare?’

    Wayne Rooney:  ‘Ah, it’s the fucking best by far …[looks sheepishly at interviewer] sorry, ha, ha!’
    Wayne Rooney, being interviewed live on Sky Sports News

    ‘Fucking wanker.’
    Paul ‘Gazza’ Gascoigne, when the organizers of the Italia ’90 tournament asked each player to mouth their name to camera for the benefit of European TV stations

    ‘My season was shit …Can I say that?’
    Football bad boy Mario Balotelli swears on live TV after winning the FA Cup Final

    Fact of the Day
    Theatre critic Kenneth Tynan was the first man to say ‘fuck’ on British television.

    During a live BBC TV debate in 1965, Tynan was asked if he would ever consider staging a play that contained depictions of sexual intercourse. Tynan replied, ‘I doubt if there are any rational people to whom the word fuck would be particularly diabolical, revolting or totally forbidden. I think that anything which can be printed or said can also be seen.’

Full blast
    Lesson to all would-be journalists: Do not question legend Sir Alex Ferguson’s leadership of Manchester United!
    Geoff Shreeves:   Had you ever known more pressure on you in your nineteen-year tenure?
    Alex Ferguson:   Nah, that’s absolute bollocks, that.
    Sky Sports News

A likely excuse
    When Italian footballer Roberto Di Matteo uttered the word ‘shit’ live on Sky Sports, the kindly presenter immediately excused him because English is Di Matteo’s second language: ‘We’re nearly past the watershed, but I know what you said. That’s a word [former football manager] Dennis Wise taught him all those years ago – Dennis, it’s your fault.’
Watch out!
    While he was being interviewed for television at a football