I’m not KOC…she’s already lost to me. Her father would never sit back and allow her to be with a prospect who couldn’t earn his patch. It’s bad enough Mouth is my father. I can’t take his threat to her safety lightly. He’s obsessed enough to arrange something outside of the club. Race mixing is a greater sin than betraying a brother in his eyes. My stomach aches. I can’t keep her safe. I have no real power. “Can I at least end things?”
“No. She doesn’t deserve an explanation. She should’ve known better than to think she could live up to the standards of us Spencers. Bitch never knew her place. Now, I’ll see she learns it.” There’s a promise of violence in his eyes.
I know then, I can’t have her until I can sufficiently protect her. That means my patch. “Whatever you say, old man.” I pull out my phone and hand it to him. “I’ll get myself ready to ride.”
We exchange phones, and he grins. “Good boy. We all want a little strange now and then. But you don’t commit to it.”
I grunt and hurry to my room, so he doesn’t see me tear up.
~~
Present
“Why didn’t you tell me this?” she whispers.
“When? It took me another year to get my patch thanks to that evil bastard, and by then you’d moved on and found happiness. I saw it with my own eyes. I didn’t want to destroy that. Not after hearing about how I fucked you up so badly.” I shake my head. “No, it was better to just let it be until the time was right.”
“Why now?” she asks, crossing her arms under her chest.
“Because I can protect you from whatever he tries to pull and his time is almost over. He knows that.”
She bites at her lip and shakes her head. “This is too much. I can’t.”
I didn’t expect her to forget her anger toward me, but I’d hoped for something more. “I get that. Just…it’s time we stop pretending like things never happened between us, and I want to try again.”
“You hurt me bad, Joel.”
I close my eyes. “I know. But keeping you safe and me in a position to protect you was number one, over everything.”
“I get that. Y-you really think he would’ve hurt me?”
“I saw it in his eyes, babe. There’s no doubt in my mind he would’ve taken vengeance. I couldn’t live with that.”
“You’re still hell bent on telling them?” she asks.
I meet her gaze. “I’m a bastard. If I can’t have you, neither can anyone else in this club. You want to go find a civilian and live the regular life, I can’t stop you. I’ll hate that shit, but eventually, I’ll accept it. Seeing you here and knowing your place is by my side I couldn’t take. I’d kill someone.”
She must see the truth in my eyes because for once, she keeps her comments to herself. “When?”
“Next time we go to church in a couple of days.”
“Okay, I’ll break it to my Pops before then.”
“You want me to be with you?” I ask.
“I think it’s best if you’re not.”
“I can respect your opinion. But I’m not leaving you in this alone again. Tell me when and where,” I say.
“Tomorrow around noon.”
“I’ll be there.”
“I need air and space right now. I’m going to go.”
“Go where?”
“Anywhere but here.” She walks to the door.
I ball my fists, fighting back my need to keep her with me. “If you run, I’ll follow you.”
“I’m done running. This is me choosing to walk away.” She disappears from my door.
I hang my head. Funny, I thought the truth would make me feel better, but I feel like dog shit on the bottom of someone’s shoe. Shit has to get worse before it can better, I think, hoping it’s not a lie.
Chapter Three
Dixie Rose
I watch Pop eat his food and study the changes in him. His face is slimmer, and he seems spryer. We’ve been on the diet for almost a month, and his bitching has gone quiet. The deal suits us both. I get to stay here and soak up time with my father. He gets a cook and I suppose the same. As
“No. She doesn’t deserve an explanation. She should’ve known better than to think she could live up to the standards of us Spencers. Bitch never knew her place. Now, I’ll see she learns it.” There’s a promise of violence in his eyes.
I know then, I can’t have her until I can sufficiently protect her. That means my patch. “Whatever you say, old man.” I pull out my phone and hand it to him. “I’ll get myself ready to ride.”
We exchange phones, and he grins. “Good boy. We all want a little strange now and then. But you don’t commit to it.”
I grunt and hurry to my room, so he doesn’t see me tear up.
~~
Present
“Why didn’t you tell me this?” she whispers.
“When? It took me another year to get my patch thanks to that evil bastard, and by then you’d moved on and found happiness. I saw it with my own eyes. I didn’t want to destroy that. Not after hearing about how I fucked you up so badly.” I shake my head. “No, it was better to just let it be until the time was right.”
“Why now?” she asks, crossing her arms under her chest.
“Because I can protect you from whatever he tries to pull and his time is almost over. He knows that.”
She bites at her lip and shakes her head. “This is too much. I can’t.”
I didn’t expect her to forget her anger toward me, but I’d hoped for something more. “I get that. Just…it’s time we stop pretending like things never happened between us, and I want to try again.”
“You hurt me bad, Joel.”
I close my eyes. “I know. But keeping you safe and me in a position to protect you was number one, over everything.”
“I get that. Y-you really think he would’ve hurt me?”
“I saw it in his eyes, babe. There’s no doubt in my mind he would’ve taken vengeance. I couldn’t live with that.”
“You’re still hell bent on telling them?” she asks.
I meet her gaze. “I’m a bastard. If I can’t have you, neither can anyone else in this club. You want to go find a civilian and live the regular life, I can’t stop you. I’ll hate that shit, but eventually, I’ll accept it. Seeing you here and knowing your place is by my side I couldn’t take. I’d kill someone.”
She must see the truth in my eyes because for once, she keeps her comments to herself. “When?”
“Next time we go to church in a couple of days.”
“Okay, I’ll break it to my Pops before then.”
“You want me to be with you?” I ask.
“I think it’s best if you’re not.”
“I can respect your opinion. But I’m not leaving you in this alone again. Tell me when and where,” I say.
“Tomorrow around noon.”
“I’ll be there.”
“I need air and space right now. I’m going to go.”
“Go where?”
“Anywhere but here.” She walks to the door.
I ball my fists, fighting back my need to keep her with me. “If you run, I’ll follow you.”
“I’m done running. This is me choosing to walk away.” She disappears from my door.
I hang my head. Funny, I thought the truth would make me feel better, but I feel like dog shit on the bottom of someone’s shoe. Shit has to get worse before it can better, I think, hoping it’s not a lie.
Chapter Three
Dixie Rose
I watch Pop eat his food and study the changes in him. His face is slimmer, and he seems spryer. We’ve been on the diet for almost a month, and his bitching has gone quiet. The deal suits us both. I get to stay here and soak up time with my father. He gets a cook and I suppose the same. As