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After all, he is madly in love with Dora. He doesn ’ t pick up, and when I glance at my watch, I realise that practice is starting in an hour or so. My brain feels like someone just ran it through the mixer, but I drag myself to the bathroom.  
    My heart beats faster than it should and I can ’ t stop thinking about what I did. She was probably expecting me to love her back. How could I not realise that I was in love with her? If only I had waited just a little longer, gotten rid of my overbearing ego, and just listened to what she had to say.
    I pack my bag and run towards the sports centre, knowing that Jacob is going to be the only person that can help me fix this. By the time I get to the changing room I don ’ t feel like playing, but I need him. From the moment I saw her outside the class back home, she had always known that one day we would be together. But now I ’ ve sparked her hatred for me, so deep and thick that she won ’ t even look at me anymore.
    The coach gives me an angry glare when I join the team. A couple of guys pat me on the back with congratulations, like I have something to celebrate about. I want to punch them, but I have to act better, more mature if I want to get India back. Jacob isn ’ t even looking at me. That prick Evans looks too happy for my liking, stretching on the other side of the field. After the warm-up we start playing and within a few minutes into the game I know that my head isn ’ t in the right place to enjoy rugby. My reflexes, pace, and passing are off. The coach drags me to the side asking what the fuck is wrong with me, and tells me to pull my shit together. After an hour and a half and panting like a dog, I grab Jacob before he gets off the field.
    “ Listen, man, I need to talk to you, ” I say, trying to stay calm. He stops reluctantly and that ’ s a small progress. We are both covered with mud and it ’ s going to start raining soon.  
    “ Oliver, we got history together, but don ’ t make me break your neck, man. I can ’ t keep cleaning up your mess. ”
    He is pissed with me and I get it. That video ruined all my chances and if I had all the money in this world to change the past, I wouldn ’ t even hesitate.
    “ Jacob, I fucked up, made her hate me, but I was blinded by revenge. I ’ m in love with her, man. You have to help me get her back. ”
    This is my desperate side talking, and I don ’ t care that I come across weak in front of my best mate. Jacob runs his hand through his hair, exhaling sharply. His eyebrows start twitching, which means that he is on the edge of punching me.
    “ So you want to me to break your neck? Dora gave me hell for earlier on. She wants to protect India, which means that she ’ s going to break up with me if I don ’ t keep you away. ”
    I turn around and pace for some time. This is India ’ s secret and I can ’ t tell him anything. Then I think, fuck it. I have to have Jacob on my side, and if he doesn ’ t know the truth, he is never going to help me.
    Somehow I manage to talk him into going back home. His hot date with Dora has to wait and in some ways I make him feel guilty, so he follows. It starts raining halfway through, and by the time we get home we are both soaked. Jacob already made up his mind about my cruelty and I get it. After the incident on Saturday, all the girls are avoiding me. It takes me a while to fill him in with the terrible story. India went through a lot and I trust Jacob to keep this to himself. He needs to understand we are both guilty; I more than her.
    I go through my past, talk about my dead brother, the party, his funeral and finally my big master plan. When the bullshit is over I show him the letters that she wrote to me, the proof that I need to see a shrink, because no one hates me as much as India right now. This story is personal and sad. Jacob stops reading halfway through and stares at me with terror in his eyes. I explain the rest, feeling like I ’ m violating India