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properly.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Well read the signs.
    The CAT shows her one of his signs. It reads ‘H R TEA’
    Look. Heart.
    ALICE: But that doesn’t say Heart.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Yes it does.
    ALICE: It says H.R. TEA.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Spells Heart.
    ALICE: But it doesn’t.
    CHESHIRE CAT: It does if you want it to.
    ALICE: Where do I get to if I follow it?
    CHESHIRE CAT: Exactly as it says – tea with the Hatter.
    ALICE: It’s short for Hatter Tea.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Yes, my darling.
    ALICE: OK, that doesn’t really help. What about this one over here –
    She goes to another sign. It also says H R TEA .
    That says the same thing.
    CHESHIRE CAT: No it doesn’t.
    ALICE: What?
    CHESHIRE CAT: It says Hare Tea. That one’s tea with the Hatter, this one’s for tea with the Hare.
    ALICE: Hare? Like a rabbit?
    CHESHIRE CAT: Rabbit? Where?
    ALICE: No, I mean –
    So ‘Hr’ means Hatter and it means Hare as well?
    CHESHIRE CAT: Yes.
    ALICE: Great, so that’s not confusing at all. And it doesn’t help me decide which way to go, either. Hatter or Hare.
    CHESHIRE CAT: They’re both mad, of course.
    ALICE: OK, can I go somewhere where there aren’t any mad people?
    CHESHIRE CAT: We’re all mad here, sweetness.
    ALICE: I’m not.
    CHESHIRE CAT: You mustn’t worry about a little thing like being mad.
    ALICE: I’m not worried. I’m not mad.
    CHESHIRE CAT: We’re all mad here, we’re all crazy as milkshake. Mad as a bag of trifle. You can’t get past Border Control, you know,
without demonstrating certifiable insanity.
    ALICE: I’m not mad – something awful happened to me.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Then you’ve got an excuse – Enjoy it. Why not?
    ALICE: Because – it’s not a fun kind of mad. It’s not silly string, and – feeling a bit funny ‘cause you’ve had too
many Haribos.
    Something really bad happened to me, and –
    CHESHIRE CAT: Yes?
    ALICE: You’re smiling.
    CHESHIRE CAT: I can’t help it, I’m a Cheshire Cat.
    ALICE: Something really bad happened to me and that’s why.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Bad like you climbed a tree and then couldn’t get down again?
    ALICE: Worse than that.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Bad like your mouse toy went under a radiator and as hard as you stretched you couldn’t pull it out?
    ALICE: Much worse.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Bad like someone’s opened a can of tuna and you can’t believe they’re not going to give you any?
    ALICE: Yeah, I don’t think – Forget it, I’ve got to –
    She looks at the signposts again .
    It just doesn’t make sense.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Sweetness, what use is sense to anyone?
    How adorable of you to want it to make sense. Nothing makes sense, love, just shut your eyes and accept it –
    ALICE: But I don’t know which way to go!
    CHESHIRE CAT: You end up in the same place whichever sign you follow.
    ALICE: Sorry?
    CHESHIRE CAT: Whichever sign you follow, you end up in the same place.
    ALICE: You mean – No, but one says Hatter and one says Hare.
    CHESHIRE CAT: The Hare and the Hatter are having tea together – so if you follow the sign for the Hatter you get to the Hare and if you follow the
sign for the Hare, you get to the Hatter.
    ALICE: They point to the same place.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Eventually.
    ALICE: So if they all point to the same place, that must be the middle, mustn’t it? That must be the Heart... Logically.
    OK, good. It’s not me that’s mad, it’s here , it’s Wonderland. So if I was a mad person, what would I –
    CHESHIRE CAT: I could keep you company. Ever run barefoot through a lollipop field?
    ALICE: Look, I’m trying to –
    CHESHIRE CAT: Ever heard the song of the rainbow bird?
    ALICE: It’s just I’m trying to think here –
    CHESHIRE CAT: Do you know how they make stripy toothpaste?
    ALICE: Look, I’m sure you’re lovely but could you please go away.
    CHESHIRE CAT: Harsh, my darling – I’m wounded.
    ALICE: I’ll rub your tummy once more if you go away after.
    CHESHIRE CAT: How can I resist?
    He stretches and ALICE rubs his tummy very briefly .
    ALICE: