properly.
CHESHIRE CAT: Well read the signs.
The CAT shows her one of his signs. It reads ‘H R TEA’
Look. Heart.
ALICE: But that doesn’t say Heart.
CHESHIRE CAT: Yes it does.
ALICE: It says H.R. TEA.
CHESHIRE CAT: Spells Heart.
ALICE: But it doesn’t.
CHESHIRE CAT: It does if you want it to.
ALICE: Where do I get to if I follow it?
CHESHIRE CAT: Exactly as it says – tea with the Hatter.
ALICE: It’s short for Hatter Tea.
CHESHIRE CAT: Yes, my darling.
ALICE: OK, that doesn’t really help. What about this one over here –
She goes to another sign. It also says H R TEA .
That says the same thing.
CHESHIRE CAT: No it doesn’t.
ALICE: What?
CHESHIRE CAT: It says Hare Tea. That one’s tea with the Hatter, this one’s for tea with the Hare.
ALICE: Hare? Like a rabbit?
CHESHIRE CAT: Rabbit? Where?
ALICE: No, I mean –
So ‘Hr’ means Hatter and it means Hare as well?
CHESHIRE CAT: Yes.
ALICE: Great, so that’s not confusing at all. And it doesn’t help me decide which way to go, either. Hatter or Hare.
CHESHIRE CAT: They’re both mad, of course.
ALICE: OK, can I go somewhere where there aren’t any mad people?
CHESHIRE CAT: We’re all mad here, sweetness.
ALICE: I’m not.
CHESHIRE CAT: You mustn’t worry about a little thing like being mad.
ALICE: I’m not worried. I’m not mad.
CHESHIRE CAT: We’re all mad here, we’re all crazy as milkshake. Mad as a bag of trifle. You can’t get past Border Control, you know,
without demonstrating certifiable insanity.
ALICE: I’m not mad – something awful happened to me.
CHESHIRE CAT: Then you’ve got an excuse – Enjoy it. Why not?
ALICE: Because – it’s not a fun kind of mad. It’s not silly string, and – feeling a bit funny ‘cause you’ve had too
many Haribos.
Something really bad happened to me, and –
CHESHIRE CAT: Yes?
ALICE: You’re smiling.
CHESHIRE CAT: I can’t help it, I’m a Cheshire Cat.
ALICE: Something really bad happened to me and that’s why.
CHESHIRE CAT: Bad like you climbed a tree and then couldn’t get down again?
ALICE: Worse than that.
CHESHIRE CAT: Bad like your mouse toy went under a radiator and as hard as you stretched you couldn’t pull it out?
ALICE: Much worse.
CHESHIRE CAT: Bad like someone’s opened a can of tuna and you can’t believe they’re not going to give you any?
ALICE: Yeah, I don’t think – Forget it, I’ve got to –
She looks at the signposts again .
It just doesn’t make sense.
CHESHIRE CAT: Sweetness, what use is sense to anyone?
How adorable of you to want it to make sense. Nothing makes sense, love, just shut your eyes and accept it –
ALICE: But I don’t know which way to go!
CHESHIRE CAT: You end up in the same place whichever sign you follow.
ALICE: Sorry?
CHESHIRE CAT: Whichever sign you follow, you end up in the same place.
ALICE: You mean – No, but one says Hatter and one says Hare.
CHESHIRE CAT: The Hare and the Hatter are having tea together – so if you follow the sign for the Hatter you get to the Hare and if you follow the
sign for the Hare, you get to the Hatter.
ALICE: They point to the same place.
CHESHIRE CAT: Eventually.
ALICE: So if they all point to the same place, that must be the middle, mustn’t it? That must be the Heart... Logically.
OK, good. It’s not me that’s mad, it’s here , it’s Wonderland. So if I was a mad person, what would I –
CHESHIRE CAT: I could keep you company. Ever run barefoot through a lollipop field?
ALICE: Look, I’m trying to –
CHESHIRE CAT: Ever heard the song of the rainbow bird?
ALICE: It’s just I’m trying to think here –
CHESHIRE CAT: Do you know how they make stripy toothpaste?
ALICE: Look, I’m sure you’re lovely but could you please go away.
CHESHIRE CAT: Harsh, my darling – I’m wounded.
ALICE: I’ll rub your tummy once more if you go away after.
CHESHIRE CAT: How can I resist?
He stretches and ALICE rubs his tummy very briefly .
ALICE: