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over his shiny, shiny eyes. And they knew that he was wearing a pinstripe suit so that people would think he was a rich, in person who belonged on Dark Avenue, instead of a greedy, treacherous villain who belonged in a heavily guarded prison. "You must be children, please," he continued, using the word "please" incorrectly for the second time. "The name of mine is Gunther. Please excuse the talking of me. Please, I am not fluent in the English language, please." "How ..." Violet said, and then stopped. She was still stunned, and it was difficult to finish the sentence "How did you find us so quickly, and how did you get past the doorman, who promised to keep you away from us?" while under the element of surprise. "Where ..." Klaus said, and then stopped. He was as stunned as his sister, and he found it impossible to finish the sentence "Where have you put the Quagmire triplets?" while under the element of surprise. "Bik ..." Sunny said, and stopped. The element of surprise weighed down on the youngest Baudelaire as heavily as it did on Violet and Klaus, and Sunny could not find the words to finish the sentence "Bikayado?" which meant something like "What new evil plan have you cooked up to steal our fortune?" "I see you are not fluent in the English language either, please," Count Olaf said, continuing to fake a different way of talking. "Where is the mother and father?" "We're not the mother and father," Esme said, and the Baudelaires felt another element of surprise as the Squalors walked into the hallway from another door. "We're the legal guardians. These children are orphans, Gunther." "Ah!" From behind his monocle, Count Olaf's eyes grew even shinier, as they often did when he was looking down on the helpless Baudelaires. The children felt as if his eyes were a pair of lit matches, about to burn them to a crisp. "Orphans in!" he said. "I know orphans are in," Esme said, ignoring Olaf's improper grammar. "In fact, they're so in they ought to be auctioned off next week at the big event!" "Esme!" Jerome said. "I'm shocked! We're not going to auction off these children." "Of course we're not," Esme said. "It's against the law to auction off children. Oh, well. Come along, Gunther. I'll give you a full tour of our apartment. Jerome, take the children to Cafe Salmonella." "But we haven't even introduced them," Jerome said. "Violet, Klaus, Sunny--meet Gunther, the auctioneer we were talking about earlier. Gunther, meet the newest members of our family." "I am happy to meet you, please," Olaf said, reaching out one of his scraggly hands. "We've met before," Violet said, happy to see that the element of surprise was fading away and that she was finding the courage to speak up. "Many times before. Jerome and Esme, this man is an impostor. He's not Gunther and he's not an auctioneer. This is Count Olaf." "I am not understanding, please, what the orphan is saying," Olaf said. "Please, I am not fluent in the English language, please." "Yes you are," said Klaus, who also found himself feeling more courageous than surprised. "You speak English perfectly." "Why, Klaus, I'm surprised at you!" Jerome said. "A well-read person such as yourself should know he made a few grammatical errors." "Waran!" Sunny shrieked. "My sister is right," Violet said. "His improper English is just part of his disguise. If you make him take off his boots, you'll see his tattoo, and if you make him take off his monocle, his brow will unfurrow, and--" "Gunther is one of the innest auctioneers in the world," Esme said impatiently. "He told me so himself. I'm not going to make him get undressed just to make you feel better. Now shake Gunther's hand, and go off to dinner and we'll say no more about it." "He's not Gunther, I tell you!" Klaus cried. "He's Count Olaf." "I am not knowing what you are saying, please," Count Olaf said, shrugging his scrawny shoulders. "Esme," Jerome said hesitantly. "How can we be sure this man is really who he says he is? ' The children