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is a guest, and we don't want to be rude to him." The Baudelaires actually did want to be rude to him, but they knew it was rude to say so. "Then what will set our minds at ease?" Violet asked. "Instead of climbing down all those stairs," Jerome said, "we can slide down the banister! It's great fun, and whenever I do it, it takes my mind off my troubles, no matter what they are. Follow me!" Sliding down a banister, of course, was not going to make the Baudelaires feel any better about an evil person lurking around their home, but before any of them could say so, Jerome was already leading the way out of the penthouse. "Come on, Baudelaires!" he called, and the children followed him as he walked quickly down the hallway, through four sitting rooms, across a kitchen, past nine bedrooms, and finally out of the apartment. He led the youngsters past the two pairs of elevator doors to the top of the staircase, and sat on the banister with a wide grin. "I'll go first," he said, "so you'll see how it's done. Be careful on the curvy parts, and if you're going too fast you can slow yourself down by scraping your shoes along the wall. Don't be scared!" Jerome gave himself a push, and in a second he had slid out of view, his laughter echoing off the stairwell as he raced down toward the lobby. The children looked down the stairway and felt their hearts sink with fear. It was not the fear of sliding down the banister. The Baudelaires had slid down plenty of banisters, and although they had never slid down one that was either fortyeight or eighty-four stories high, they were not scared to try, particularly now that regular light was in so they could see where they were going. But they were afraid nonetheless. They were afraid that Gunther had a clever and nasty scheme to get his hands on the Baudelaire fortune, and that they didn't have the faintest idea of what it was. They were afraid that something dreadful had happened to the Quagmire triplets, because Gunther seemed to have time to find the Baudelaires here in their new home. And they were afraid that the Squalors would not be of any assistance in keeping the three children safe from Gunther's crooked clutches. Jerome's laughter grew fainter and fainter as he slid farther and farther away, and as they stood together without a word and looked down the stairway, which curved and curved and curved as far as their eyes could see, the Baudelaire orphans were afraid that it was all downhill from here.
    Chapter Five
    Cafe Salmonella was located in the Fish District, which was a part of the city that looked, sounded, smelled, and--if you were to kneel down and lick its streets--probably tasted like fish. The Fish District smelled like fish because it was located near the docks of the city, where fishermen sold the fish they had caught each morning. It sounded like fish because the pavement was always wet from the sea breeze, and the feet of passersby made bubbly, splashy sounds that resembled the noises made by sea creatures. And it looked like fish because all of the buildings in the Fish District were made of shiny, silvery scales, instead of bricks or wooden planks. When the Baudelaire orphans arrived at the Fish District and followed Jerome to Cafe Salmonella, they had to look up at the evening sky to remind themselves that they were not underwater. Cafe Salmonella was not just a restaurant, but a theme restaurant, which simply means a restaurant with food and decorations that follow a certain idea. The theme for Cafe Salmonella-and you can probably guess this from its name-- was salmon. There were pictures of salmon on the walls, and drawings of salmon on the menu, and the waiters and waitresses were dressed up in salmon costumes, which made it difficult for them to carry plates and trays. The tables were decorated with vases full of salmon, instead of flowers, and of course all of the food that Cafe Salmonella served had something to do with salmon. There is nothing particularly wrong