Read 12 Good Reasons to Look Up Uranus for Free Online

Corned-beef
Lucky nut: Three-eighths Whitworth
    S AGITTARIUS
    Those awkward clashes with someone near you could turn into a full-blown power struggle on Tuesday when your ruler the Sun is in dispute with Pluto over your plans for the
launch of Ear-Hair Monthly magazine. Try not to worry, as on Thursday you’ll be offered a job as lead singer in a Steps tribute band, which will tide you over.
    Lucky banjo: 5-string
Lucky order: The Carmelites
    C APRICORN
    This week, Venus, planet of love is in the ascendant, and this combined with mysterious Neptune, will make you utterly irresistible to the opposite gender. On Wednesday, a
shopping trip will nearly end in tragedy when two lady shop assistants catch a fleeting glimpse of your profile and burst into flames like the map at the beginning of Bonanza .
    Lucky precaution: CO2 Fire extinguisher
Lucky number: 999
    A QUARIUS
    On Tuesday, unpredictable Aquarius is about to conjoin with Neptune in the area of your chart governing infantry tactics. On Thursday you will receive confirmation that despite
a positive test, it is unlikely that lizards could have caused the condition. The good news is that when it has been carefully washed and dried using a lint-free cloth, the ocarina should once
again function normally.
    Lucky dance: The Hustle
Lucky chutney: Plum
    P ISCES
    At the beginning of the week Saturn and Pluto are once more in exact opposition and I’m afraid that even though you usually have all the answers, you may struggle to
explain your actions in the National Portrait Gallery on Tuesday lunchtime. Try to remain calm and remember that despite all arguments you hear to the contrary, if it’s over four inches long,
it’s technically a Sardine.
    Lucky soup: Gazpacho
Lucky veneer: Figured walnut

W EEKLY F ORECAST FOR
28 TH M ARCH TO 3 RD A PRIL
    A RIES
    As Thursday’s Full Moon approaches, a man with dense eyebrows may bring you good news about your quest for another part-time job, although disappointingly, the paraffin
round which you applied for last Wednesday will have gone to a younger man. On Friday, you will develop an irrational hatred of sideboards.
    Lucky bandage: Triangular
Lucky process: Osmosis
    T AURUS
    A square Saturn means a bit of a mixed bag fortune-wise. A rash purchase of a packet of iced-gems means that you will need to visit the dentist to have the hole in the roof of
your mouth repaired. You may be jostled in the lift by David Cameron who will try to sell you a set of used cummerbunds.
    Lucky wave: Sine
Lucky ointment: Bonjella
    G EMINI
    This week there will be a wild-west air about the home. You will be forced to confront your partner after a series of restless nights during which you are woken repeatedly by
loud ‘mooing’ noises from the bathroom. On investigating, you will find a herd of Longhorns with no rational explanation for their presence other than, ‘I found them on the way
home’.
    Lucky vessel: Spitoon
Lucky pine: Lonesome
    C ANCER
    This week you are offered the lead role in a Bond-style remake of a Greek tragedy, Oedipussy in which you are involved in a love-triangle with Isosceles and Pythagoras,
but a protracted argument about camera angles halts the production. Try to remain stoic.
    Lucky rhythm: Samba
Lucky lubricant: Lard
    L EO
    There may be a misunderstanding about a gift this week. So, even if someone offers you a pearl necklace, make sure you know what is expected of you before accepting. Toward the
weekend, troublesome Mars means that you won’t get that hole in your best socks darned again. Those with Saturn rising may dream about bats with beards.
    Lucky colour: Puce
Lucky snack: Black grape and brie ciabatta
    V IRGO
    The week starts with the New Moon in an area of your chart that inclines you toward night-cramps. There may be a misunderstanding in the butchers on Thursday when you are
mistaken for Carol Vordermann. Try to keep your dignity intact.
    Lucky garnish: Parsley
Lucky prank: Whoopie cushion
    L