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into the room to adjust the volume of Kylie’s duet with Jason Donovan.
    Finally I sit down with Clarky. ‘Finn will be happy,’ I start shakily. ‘It’s all he wants. His patience was running out. “You’re getting on, Josie,” he always says. I’m only thirty-one,’ I add.
    ‘Hardly the best way to persuade you,’ Clarky says.
    I imitate Finn’s voice. ‘“If we’re going to have a bigger family, shouldn’t we be doing it now, while we’re young enough to stand the sleepless nights?”’
    ‘Do you want another baby?’
    ‘I never ruled out having another, but it terrifies me.’ I rub my forehead hard.
    Clarky shuffles his chair forward. ‘What scares you?’
    ‘Everything!’ I lower my voice. ‘I’m just about coping with George now. Getting to grips with our routine. I love my work, and I’m happy! When the baby comes I’ll be right back at square one.’
    ‘What does Finn say about that?’
    ‘He says it’ll be all right because George is at school. Well, Finn leaves the house at the crack of dawn, goes to work and comes home after all the chaos is over. He doesn’t understand.’
    I tell Clarky about the ‘baby’ argument we had when I threw an egg at Finn.
    ‘At school?’ I had screeched. ‘Ah, at school, is he? And I am constantly on the alert, Finn, waiting for the phone to ring and Ms bloody Miles to tell me George has forgotten his games kit or broken one of the computers …’ I was holding an egg box and something exploded inside me. I hurled an egg across the kitchen. It smashed against a wooden door, the yolk seeping into the cracks. Finn had stared at me and then at the broken egg, his eyes wide with bewilderment.
    Clarky smiles. ‘Promise never to come near me with a box?’ He leans back, away from me. ‘Did you eat scrambled for supper?’
    I laugh wearily. ‘I was mad, OK? Oh, God, I can’t …’ I don’t want to say it too loudly.
    ‘Have another child like George?’ he finishes for me quietly. He places a mug of tea in front of me. ‘I’ve put some sugar in it.’
    ‘What if it’s another boy?’
    ‘Is ADHD hereditary?’
    ‘Yes. We think Finn’s mother has it although it’s never been diagnosed.’
    ‘Does he know you’re pregnant?’ Clarky starts to circle the rim of his hot mug carefully. He does one full circle and then stops and changes direction. I’ve always told him he has artist’s fingers.
    ‘No, only you know.’
    ‘Look, you really need to talk to him about it, not me.’
    I press my lips together. ‘I wish I could. Sometimes he doesn’t want to listen.’
    Clarky frowns and twitches his nose. ‘Finn needs to know that the pregnancy is great news, but at the same time, you are going to need a lot of support. He can’t keep his head in the clouds.’
    I nod appreciatively.
    ‘If I were Finn,’ he continues, taking his hand away from the mug and gently touching mine, ‘I’d want to know how you were feeling.’
    I remember my dream.
    ‘What?’ he asks intently.
    ‘I had a dream about us the other night.’
    ‘Sounds interesting. And?’
    ‘You and I got married in a hot air balloon.’
    He laughs. ‘Sounds like a nightmare.’
    I lean my elbows against the table again, hands pressed against my forehead. ‘No, this is. But then I think of George who’d love a brother or sister. I never ruled out having another baby. Maybe it will be a girl?’
    ‘Would that make all the difference?’
    I start to chew one of my already bitten thumbnails. ‘What’s wrong with me? Some people dream of having children and here I am, terrified.’
    ‘No one else knows what it’s like bringing up George. We can try to understand, but you’re the one who has to deal with it.’
    ‘I wish Finn saw it that way. Why can’t he see it like you do?’
    ‘Do you want this child at all?’
    ‘What?’
    ‘It’s your decision, Josie.’
    I feel uncomfortable. ‘I don’t think he’d ever forgive me. It would ruin our marriage. I