Read Xtreme Manly Man Force of Intense Badassery: Book One: The Fountain of Testoserone for Free Online

interrupted by the
outlandish-sounding laugh of the orc, so loud that even the manly
smooth bass players stop their lamenting inside the tavern.
Everyone quiets down and looks toward the three peculiar men
sitting in front of the muscular orc.
    “We dun serve breakfast cereal here,”
the large, greenish-brown orc says as he reveals his tangled mess
of fangs in the fashion of a grin. The other men in the tavern
laugh condescendingly, hearing the non-manly weakling, Mr. Honkers,
request something so pathetically lame. UDGD nudges Mr. Honkers to
stop being such a tool, but it's too late. Already many of the men
in the tavern have laid hands on their weapons to brutally murder
the manliness intruder; that is, Mr. Honkers, who is totally
intruding upon their manliness. UDGD, feeling the dark intentions
of the bar filled with barbarians, looks over his
soon-to-be-opponents with speed and skill.
    The entire group consists of long,
messy-bearded barbarians, all of them using either axes, broad
swords, or their bare fists. UDGD appreciates the manliness of
these angry, smelly men, but not enough to simply allow them to
kill his comrade, as lame as he is- he is currently
necessary.
    UDGD stands up and turns to the group,
totaling about twenty seven, and reaches around his back to
retrieve his axe.
    “Hey,” UDGD says with a badass tone.
The men address the Axeman with their eyes. “Don't hurt 'em, he's
mine,” UDGD says, communicating something very different with his
onyx gaze. If one were skilled in the craft of translating the eye
language, his message would be more along the lines of: “Come here
and try. I'll tear off your arms.” The men recognize UDGD's ocular
message more than his words, and draw their blades. IMRM, not
needing to turn his head to see what is happening, reaches inside
his cloak to his dimensional sheath. The orc steps back and grabs
himself a drink to enjoy while he watches the warriors destroy one
another. One particularly manly barbarian with arms the size of
tree trunks smiles, revealing his rotten teeth, crawling with
worms.
    “I dun think that'll be happenin' for
ya', friend,” the large man says as he takes out his own axe. UDGD
frowns, and tightens his grip on his axe.
    “WAIT, RETARDS!” yells a boisterous,
radical voice. Looking toward a corner of the tavern, everyone can
see a hulking man sitting by himself, with several emptied mugs of
mead sitting on his table.
    With a large, stupid grin and long,
waving brown hair, the shirtless, red-tanned, incredibly-muscular
man takes a stand. Around his back is the largest broadsword UDGD
has ever laid eyes on, having to weigh at least two hundred kilos.
Encompassing his arm is a sanguine-red band, stretched and worn
after a long time of wear. His intense, piecing gaze and angled
facial features give him an air of elegance that would, if he were
not smiling in such a ridiculous manner, might make him look like
someone worth listening to. He clears his throat, and
continues.
    “MURDERING SOMEONE JUST BECAUSE THEY
AREN'T THE SAME KIND OF MANLY AS YOU? FOR SHAME, DICKWEEDS!” The
man yells at the top of his lungs with the same laughable grin. The
manliest man in the mob frowns.
    “How dare you! There's only one kind of
manly, and this guy is not it! He should die for bringing his
sissyness in here!” The barbarian man argues vehemently.
    “NO WAY, YOU WHINEY BITCH. HE'S
OBVIOUSLY FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION, SO OBVIOUSLY HE'S JUST THEIR KIND
OF MANLY!“
    “S-shut up! That doesn't make any
sense!” The barbarian spits.
    “HELL YEAH, IT DOES. IF YOU WERN'T SUCH
A PUSSY YOU WOULD'VE NOTICED IT THE MOMENT HE WALKED IN! LOOK AT
HIS TWO COMPANIONS. YOU CAN SEE THE MANLINESS RADIATING OFF OF THEM
AS WELL, CAN'T YOU?”
    “Well, u-”
    “THAT'S THEIR BURNING MANLY SPIRITS,
COLLIDING AND CHARRING ONE-ANOTHER WITH THEIR BLAZING CAMARADERIE!”
The tall man yells victoriously as he steps forward. The foolish
barbarians have had about enough of this