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course.’
    â€˜They do? Even cake?’ Were these people mad?
    â€˜Edible stuff sent to celebrities is always chucked away; there are too many nutters around to risk it and celebrities can afford to buy their own, after all.’
    â€˜I suppose you’re right.’ But still.
Cake!
I mean, really. Perhaps I should offer my services as a food taster. Cakes a speciality.
    â€˜So, no. No police and utter secrecy.’
    â€˜What about your producers, what about Cy? What do they think?’
    â€˜Same, I haven’t told them. It’s between you and me. And I want you to find who is doing it.’
    I pondered this for a moment while I sipped my Guinness. Just assuming for the moment that these were empty threats, designed to scare, that would be fine. But in the unlikely case that they were not – what could I realistically do to prevent Middleton’s demise? But naturally for a double fee and un-incinerated cake I’d give it a go. ‘OK, it’s your choice but I’m not sure it’s a good one.’
    â€˜Keep it under your hat all the same.’
    â€˜Do you have any of these letters here?’
    â€˜No, I chucked them away.’
    â€˜Shame.’
    â€˜Not at all. They’re vile things and I threw them away as a gesture of defiance. The notes I found under my windscreen wipers I crumpled up there and then and chucked over my shoulder, in case they were watching.’
    â€˜You mean you acted as though you didn’t care.’
    â€˜Absolutely. I’m not an actor for nothing.’
    â€˜I’m not so sure that’s such a good idea either.’
    â€˜Why ever not? I’m not giving them the satisfaction.’
    â€˜Let’s for a moment assume they’re just trying to harass you, to frighten you. If they are watching and it looks as though they haven’t succeeded they may turn up the wick and try something even scarier.’
    Middleton grunted and shifted uncomfortably on his seat. ‘Yeah, all right, I hadn’t thought of that.’
    â€˜If another one turns up, keep it. I’d like to look at it. And try to look harassed when you read it. Are they handwritten?’
    â€˜Some were – printed in capitals, though, no joined-up writing. Others were computer print.’ He picked up his empty glass. ‘Another one?’
    â€˜Not for me, thanks. It’s my round anyway. I’ll get you another but I really have to get home now.’
    â€˜All right, piss off, then. I’ll buy my own, don’t worry. I bet I make ten times what you earn. I’ll see you at the Roman Baths in the morning.’
    â€˜Will you be all right getting to . . . where are you staying in Bath? If that’s not a secret?’
    â€˜Course not. Royal Crescent Hotel, just round the corner. Only for two nights, mind; after that we’ll all be out there somewhere.’ He waved an arm at the dark window. ‘In the wilds of Somerset.’

FOUR
    â€˜H nn? Whaaa . . .? What’s going on? What’s that hideous noise?’ Next to me Annis burrowed deeper under the duvet.
    I myself fumbled blindly with my mobile, which was making increasingly shrill bleeping noises until I had silenced the unfamiliar sound. ‘It’s called an alarm. For people,’ I yawned like a hippo, ‘who have to go to work.’ Neither of us had heard an alarm clock for years. How did people live with it?
    â€˜What time is it?’ said Annis from very far away.
    â€˜Five.’
    â€˜Bring me a cup of tea in about two hours.’
    â€˜You’ll have to fend for yourself. I’m in television now, the golden hour and all that.’ I dragged myself out of bed and opened the shutters a crack. ‘The sun’s actually just up, you know. Amazing.’
    Annis snatched my pillow and piled it on top of her head. ‘I’m so very, very happy for you.’
    I nearly fell asleep again standing up in