near-whisper. âAzazel harboured a bit of a soft spot for the ladies â or come to think of it,â I chuckle, âquite the reverse in fact. He spawned dozens of these semi-angelic children â massive creatures, hundreds of ells high â and they just went raging around the place like gigantic toddlers, uprooting things and destroyingeveryoneâs stuff. Youâll have seen a reference to them in the Old Testament â the mighty men. No? The men of renown? Still no? Well it was a big deal at the time, and it basically left God with no choice â He had to reboot the whole thing.â
I shake my head ruefully. A sad day for us all.
âThatâs when He pressed the button on The Flood,â I tell her. âWashed it all away. Back to zero. And as for Azazel â he got his too. Slung into a bottomless pit.â
(That last partâs not exactly right, but itâs not like sheâs going to know. Anyway, it captures the spirit of the thing.)
I lean back, making it obvious that Iâve finished.
She doesnât move a muscle.
âAll in all, a bit of a watershed moment,â I quip.
Apparently, though, itâs not as funny as I think it is.
I gaze out of the window behind her desk. Weâre on the same side of the building as Alexâs office, which means the tiny men are visible to me once more, this time from an even more impressive elevation.
âWhy did you tell me all that, Will?â
âMm?â
My attention is no longer in the room. There really is something about those little guys. Itâs mesmerising.
âWhat was the point of that story you just told me? Do you think we at Abelwood are âfallen angelsâ â¦â she air quotes this with her fingers â⦠or do you â¦?â She doesnât know what might be a suitable end to this question. She looks to me for help.
âYou asked me what I was thinking about,â I mutter absently. âSo I told you.â
Again a little pause. Iâm still looking out of the window, but itâs no longer the pleasurable experience it was downstairs. Somethingâs not the same. Is it the sky? I canât quite put my finger on it. It might just be this new angle â it makes them look more ant-like, a little sinister even.
âDo you mind me asking,â she begins, then carries on regardless of whether I mind or not, âif you have had the chance to see a healthcare professional, after what happened this morning?â
âA healthcare professional.â I repeat the admirably circumspect phrase to myself. âCould that mean a psychiatrist?â I wonder aloud.
âIt could mean a psychiatristâ¦â She floats this confirmation in a tone so gentle and trustworthy that for a second I feel a little disarmed, like I could confide in her some of my real problems, the things that are corroding the real me. I need to stop looking at that building.
âNo, Karen, I didnât.â I put my attention fully back on her. âI was just tired, run ragged by work â Iâve been under a lot of stress and strain here.â
Sheâs not crazy about that answer; sheâd like to edge it back round to safer ground. She has a stab at it.
âYes,â she says, âwork can certainly be demanding. And thatâs why we would be keen for you to perhaps speak to a doctor and see if there is anything that can be done to help you achieve the right relationship with stress, for example.â
âDid you just say ârelationship with stressâ?â
âYes.â There is not the remotest trace of embarrassment. âWe would like to see if we can help you manage that. We have worked through this kind of thing before, Will â and we did it together . We just need to know if you have been involving any other ⦠parties ⦠in the agencyâs business â¦â
But I canât keep my attention on what