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was nervous and couldn’t think of how to tell him. I puttered around, doin some wash, cookin a meal. Raymond spent the day readin his Bible and writin in one of his journals. When we set down to eat supper, he started tellin me some of what the Bible says about a good wife. She should be modest. Be sober and unworldly. Be careful what she wears and what she says. He went on and on, and by the time he finished, I was really scared. I knew that tellin him about my period wouldn’t be modest, and as it got closer to bedtime, I started to panic.
    I put on my nightgown and took extra time washin my face. Raymond got down on his knees by the bed and waited for me to come and say prayers. There was a wood floor under my bare feet, but it could of been hot coals for all I knew. The only thing I could feel was that wad of Kotex between my legs.
    I went and crouched down next to him. “Our Heavenly Father,” he said, “we ask your blessing as we come together for the first time as man and wife…”
    Oh, God , I thought, not tonight. Please. Please, let him change his mind. I was afraid I said it out loud, but Raymond’s eyes was still closed, he was still prayin.
    “…keep us under your protection and give us the strength and courage we need to perform our duty to you. In Jesus name, amen.”
    Raymond got in the bed and pulled the blankets back for me. I slid in real slow, throat dry and heart poundin like a war drum. I stayed close to the edge, but he reached over and started pullin up my nightgown. When he felt it, he jumped like he touched a hot stove.
    “What is that?”
    “Uh … a … a pad … I’m havin my period.”
    It was dark in the room. I felt him yank the blankets. The bed heaved and I heard him cross the floor. “You should have told me, Veda,” he said. “You should have told me.”
    “I … I wanted to but … I,” I stammered. “Why? Is it bad?”
    “Leviticus, Veda. Leviticus 15:19-20: ‘And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even. And every thing that she lieth upon in her separation shall be unclean: every thing also that she sitteth upon shall be unclean…’ ” I could hear him arrangin his blanket. “I will sleep on the sofa until this business is over.”
    “I’m sorry,” I blubbered, “I wanted to tell you … I didn’t know how…” I laid there ashamed and hurt and sick to my stomach, wantin my mother, wantin to go home. Somebody should of told me this would happen. Somebody should of told me about Leviticus.
    Raymond didn’t mention it in the mornin and neither did I. A whole week went by before he tried again, askin first if I was “well.” We said prayers and got into the bed. I was tight as a bowstring, not knowin what his first move would be.
    “Dear?” It sounded like a question.
    “Mmm-mm,” I mumbled back.
    I felt the bedsprings give and he was on me, pushin my legs apart with his knee. He kissed me, and then all of a sudden he was pressin against me, hard, and I … it hurt somethin awful. He lifted his weight off me and pushed into me again, and again. His breath was fast and heavy. Then he rolled off.
    “You okay?”
    I laid there burnin and raw, wonderin if it was supposed to hurt this much. He didn’t say nothin else, and pretty soon I could tell by his breathin he was asleep.
    I was sore in the mornin and there was blood in my underpants. I didn’t know if that was supposed to happen or if it meant somethin was wrong. Bea hadn’t told me about that either.
    I was all tensed up the next time, expectin to feel the same raw soreness, but it didn’t hurt near as much. There was a few minutes of him bouncin up and down, and then it was over. I wanted to like it, and I tried to. I kept on hopin to feel somethin, like Bea said, somethin nice.

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    November 30, 1937 (Tues.) [Max. 45°, Min. 32°.] Slight frost with cold fog this morning which